April 26, 2016

I Suck at Being a Girl

Well put together women have nice nails. Bare, short, painted, long, rounded, squared, acrylic, french tip, gel, shellack, silk.... the possibilities are endless. The point is, you need to do something with them because looking like you just clawed your way out of Buffalo Bill's well is not a good look. 

I'm a 37 29 year old woman in most regards, most notably in that crinkly area around my eyes, but when it comes to my nails I revert to a second grade girl. Chewed to the quick, polish chipped almost to nothing within a day. 

If I paint them myself it looks like I did it while simultaneously driving and having a seizure. If I have them painted, I inevitably brush them against something and ruin them. Even the shellack polish, you know - the chip proof stuff that requires the acid Dahmer used and a damn chisel to remove? I chip it, day 1. 

It's like I wasn't really meant to be a woman.