December 16, 2016

Not Gonna Work On Me, Pal

I suspect Facebook's On This Day feature is trying to make me nostalgic for the days when my kids were little. Unfortunately for Facebook, I'm not that mom so On This Day helped me come up with a list of why I prefer having older kids.

OTD reminded me of the time Aidan called Asher a bastard. And the time Asher screamed out that his d!ck hurt. They're older now so they know all the curse words and they know not to say them in front of men of God or at the grocery store. I prefer that.

OTD reminded me of the time I had to call Poison Control for Aidan when he pepper sprayed himself in the face. And the time I had to call Poison Control for Asher when he took nine melatonin. They're older now so they mainly just eat too much junk food and get a tummy ache. I prefer that.

OTD reminded me of the time both boys got carsick and I caught Asher's throw up in my hand. They're older now so there's far less projectile vomiting. I prefer that. 

OTD reminded me of the time Asher screamed bloody murder for the entirety of a 4 hour road trip. And the time I had to push the button on a Christmas toy that sang all the damn way from Ohio to Arkansas or Aidan would scream. They're older now so it's iPads and headphones. I prefer that.

OTD reminded me of the time Asher locked himself in my car and we had to call the police to break into it because he was too little to get himself out. And the time Aidan kept me tying his shoes a full six months after he learned how to do it himself. They're older now and I know they can do most things for themselves so I'm not their bitch. As much. I prefer that.

In fact the last two years the OTD memories are usually all of us on some road trip or at some festival or event because we can do that shit now. I'm no longer suffering from Stockholm Syndrome at home with them, I get to talk to adults during the day, we can even run errands and they can stay home alone with minimal fear of them burning the house down. Now the smart mouths I could do without but overall, I prefer this.
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