March 29, 2016

It's Not Diabetes

Title voiced with the "It's not a tumor" accent.

3rd grade boy - *pointing to the hallow of his throat* "See this dirty spot on my throat?"

Me - "I guess so, yeah."

3rd grade boy - "My mom says if it's on the back of my neck, it's diabetes."

Me - What do you even say at this point? "Well, you look healthy to me, kid."

I couldn't make this shit up...

March 5, 2016

An Ode to the Procrastination Gods

Hey, ya know what I'm supposed to be doing right now?

Planning my wedding.

Ya know what I'm not doing right now?

Planning my wedding.

Because it's hard, y'all. And isn't life hard enough?

I can show you what I want on Pinterest but I just cannot create it for myself. Oddly enough, it's the same with my I Wanna Look Like This board on there. At least I don't think I can. It seems like the first step would be finding a location.

Here's where you might say, But, Amanda, you said before that the Earth fell into the moon's green aura and an animal was slaughtered and a venue had been booked!

Yeah, about that. I wasn't really feeling that place soooooooo we abandoned it.

Back to square one. Which we technically never left since we made no progress onto square two.

We're getting married in 11 weeks.

Hold me.

March 2, 2016

Nugget of Wisdom

If you have a 100+ year old house and you have a slow drain that you think probably just needs snaked, do not have it snaked. 

Here's why; the snake will go right thru the 100+ year old pipe and send water and God only knows what else plummeting into the abyss that just might be the ceiling of your kitchen and dining room rendering your home unlivable and sending you, your perfectionist/order loving fiance, two stinky little boys and one 105lb black lab who farts like a human into a hotel across the river for three weeks while the damage from that simple "snake job" is repaired by systematically disassembling the walls and ceiling of a quarter of your house thereby revealing even more 100+ year old materials that are either not up to current code or disintegrating leading to a massive homeowner's insurance claim to the tune of 18K. 

That's just a possibility you should be aware of. Now call that plumber at your own risk.