March 16, 2012

Jillian Michaels Is Being Mean To me

I started Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred again and holy hell, I truly believe that woman to be evil through and through.  She has moved from sadistic bitch to full on monster in my book. Monster, I tell ya!

Level one was rough but I conquered. After I regained the ability to walk without appearing to be in a full on epileptic seizure, of course. Thursday was my first day at level two. I've been here once before, probably a year ago. Once. That's all I could take. But today was Day 2 at Level 2 so Yay me!

Level two, in my opinion, was designed specifically to make me look as ridiculous as possible. Walkout push-ups, jumping oblique twists, plank jacks? Fuuuuck yooooouuuu, Jillian! I pity the fool who walks in on me during those critical minutes. Some things you just can't un-see, kwim?

March 13, 2012

Ask Me Again, I Wish You Would

"What are you gonna do with yourself once Asher goes to Kindergarten in the Fall?"

Here's what I'm gonna start saying... Ya know, rather than grocery shopping or laundry or cleaning house or exercising or volunteering more, all of which I do now with Asher in tow, I think I'm probably gonna nap more. Ya fuckin' jack-wagon!

March 9, 2012

Where Have I Been, You Ask?

Three posts in February? Wow. That might be a new low. Why the lull in blog banter? How do I put this gently? 

*light bulb* No, that sounds mean.

*light bulb* No, that's just not true.

*light bulb* Mean and also not true.

*light bulb* I just didn't want to. That's the truth. Plus it was February and February is dumb for me

If I had written here I would have told you about how one day, without forethought, I went to a salon and got my hair chopped off. The hair I had been growing out for months. Which really only brought it to my shoulders because my hair grows at roughly the rate of a Canadian White Cedar. Happy Valentines Day, dear husband who likes longer hair!

I may also have written about going from a faded brunette to a fiery redhead to goth black with purple chunks in the span of 6 days. SB wisely smiled and said 'looks good, honey'. Each time. Good boy!

I could have written about the temporary insanity that overcame me when I decided to take the Fearsome Foursome to the movie theater to see Beauty and the Beast, Journey 2 The Mysterious Island, Alvin and the Chipmunks - Chipwrecked, and The Lorax. Seriously, even going in fully armed with contraband in the form of snacks and drinks that don't cost $9 per ounce and a healthy dose of my anti-depressant, it's a traumatic experience. However, when Belle and the Beast kiss and all four of the boys cover their eyes and scream "Eeeewwww!!!" at the top of their lungs? That's just funny. 

I should have written about the first time I drove my husband's new truck. How after specific instructions as to how to properly enter the vehicle and stern warnings about making careful turns, etc... he texted me no less than three times asking if the truck (not I, mind you) was okay. I finally responded something like this - Do you want me to answer you or concentrate on driving the truck? I haven't been in the driver's seat since.

So that's where I've been. Here, just not writing. No worries, I continued to rant and rave via Facebook the whole time so those lucky folks got to hear/read it.