June 17, 2012

Pinterest Means Different Things To Different People

Pinterest inspires most people to organize the junk drawer, whip up hors d'oeuvres out of leftovers and braid their hair so it looks like a dragonfly. They make boards like "Saturdays with Little Susie", "Family Outings", and "Motivational Quotes". Pinterest is where some people get spiritual guidance in the form of bible versus in pretty font. A lot of people utilize Pinterest to visually say Look, I am a well adjusted, creative, compassionate person

It's a little different for me. Pinterest makes me want to tattoo my favorite quote among tribal markings down my rib cage. Pinterest makes it seem like a good idea to pixie cut my hair and dye it platinum blond. Pinterest is why I want to paint I'm Not Your Fucking Maid, Get It Your Damn Self on the wall of my kitchen. Pinterest has given me some fabulous ideas as to what I want to pierce next. Pinterest showed me that Fifty Shades of Grey is nowhere near the kinkiest shit out there. Pinterest is where I visually say What you know about me is just the tip of my crazy.

Some people have 693 pins of Some E Cards, including the unfunny ones. I only pin the ones with profanity. Some people use that comment feature to explain in excruciating detail why they pinned each photo. My comment boxes all say X. Some people have it set to where every single thing they pin posts to their Facebook Timeline. I live in fear that the BDSM image I just pinned will go on my timeline and Aidan's teacher will "like" it.

See? It's different for everyone.

June 5, 2012

How I Dare I Suggest We Go To The Park

Aidan and Asher actually cried tonight because when they asked what we were going to do tomorrow I said We'll go to the park in the morning before it gets too hot and then... and the wailing began. 

Really, guys? It's barely three miles there and back and I push your damn bikes up the hills while you bitch and moan and drag. your. asses. thirty feet behind me. Aren't you supposed to be full of 'endless youthful energy'? Or maybe that energy only helps you do bad shit all. day. long.

June 4, 2012

Rules for Dealing with Psych Patients

#1. Don't cancel appointments when the patient is out of meds. That one could have gone terribly wrong for you.

#2. Don't schedule appointments for a specific time and then let them sit in the waiting room to watch the other patients and pray to God that they are the relatively sane patient for NINETY MINUTES!!!

#3. After you have made your patient wait for NINETY MINUTES do not, DO. NOT. come and ask them if they are ready yet. I'm pretty sure that shit'll get you killed by a less sane patient.

#4. If you don't remember shit else about patient beyond diagnosis and medication, don't bother pretending that you do. I'm only there for a refill and you're making yourself look like a douche bag.

#5. Warn office staff not to get bitchy. Your tardiness may not be their fault but we're crazy and we will take it out on them anyway.

June 3, 2012

I Don't Know Where I Went Wrong

Aidan keeps all those promo cards we get in the mail - Khol's, Shoe Carnival, etc... So yesterday we're looking for one of them we actually wanted to use and of course Aidan had it. As he's pulling cards out of his wallet, this one falls out

We laughed because it's not even the first time he's hoarded Victoria's Secret advertisements (and taken them to his cousins to snicker about). I said What do you think you're gonna buy with that card, Aidan? And his response, scouts honor, was This card gets me $10 off sex! 

Oh sweet Jesus, what am I going to do with this kid?