November 15, 2011

Who Trains Wal-Mart Cashiers?

Dear Idiot Wal-Mart Cashier,

Something to keep in mind if I come through your check out line next time. Cut the small talk, mkay? For real, I won’t be offended if we just complete this process without polite, or in this case – impolite, conversation.

You asked the question, Do you have kids?

And I replied - What tipped you off – the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and Danimals or the fucking preschooler in the cart? Um, yes, yes I do have children.

Then you asked - Are any of them still at home?

And after a moment to see if you were joking - Good God, woman! You mean besides the preschooler that should have tipped you off to the fact that I had children in the first damn place? Yeah, I still have kids at home. How fucking old do you think I am? Are you trying to get jack-slapped? 

Next came this gem from you - Microwave French fries? Don’t you like homemade?

And it was all I could do not to throttle you so I replied - Oh for fuck sake! Did you miss the part where we established that I have kids? Yeah, I do like homemade but the kids prefer quick as opposed to made with love by Mama so them’s the breaks, Little Miss I’m 17 So I Think I Know Everything About Everything But Somehow I Don’t Know I’ve Insulted My Customer 16 Times During This Conversation? 

Seriously, stop talking to me before you really screw up and ask me when I'm due and whether I'm having a boy or a girl. Before you inquire as to when I had my sex change. Before you  r e a l l y  go too far.

The Woman Who Had Every Right To Wring Your Scrawny Neck


Miragi said...

I don't know who you are or how I even found you but you were on my blog reading list and now I know why, because I think I'm now in love. :) Thank you for saying all things Wally World out loud that I could not say myself! I'm totally looking forward to reading more! x

Anonymous said...

Bwahahahaha! I'm so glad I've never run into cashiers like this! All I have to deal with at Walmart is the crazy intense ladies who ram their shopping carts into your heels and the creepy guy who works in the cheese dept that I SWEAR follows me through the store...