November 4, 2011

Call Me A Mommy Blogger, I Dare You

I hate to write yet another post about the horrors of the drop off/pick up line at school. It just screams 'mommy blog' and you know how I feel about that label. But, fuck it, I'm writing it anyway cuz it's pissin' me off. 

Believe it or not I generally keep pretty calm in that little cul de sac from hell. I do! I've seen other parents do some dumb shit. Daily. But the teachers are probably a new target in this scenario. Look, I imagine line duty isn't a favorite part of a teacher's day. I mean really, six hours locked in a building with 300 elementary school kids? There is not enough medication in this universe, mkay? Then there's the little matter of the fact that teachers are not traffic directors. They clearly have not had so much as a conversation with a traffic director either. They suck at it! So I've made it my mission to explain a couple dos and don'ts of directing traffic in the school drop off/pick up line for those poor teachers. 

Do not wave each hand in a different direction while looking at me wondering why I don't know what you want me to do. I'm assuming by the waving that you want me to move my car but do I follow your left or right hand? I'm not a fucking mind reader!

Do pay attention to your fellow line duty teachers. Read on to understand why.

Do not pull a child in front of my moving vehicle to take him/her to their parent's vehicle in the far lane. I am trying to read your coworker's fucking mind and therefore not watching you try to kill one of your students. And when you do step out in front of me and I slam on my brakes and give you a look that says Teachers are supposed to be smart so why the sam fuck did you just step out in front of me?!?!  don't look around like it's not YOU I'm taking issue with.

Whatever you do, DO NOT wave me forward and simultaneously walk your pansy ass in front of my car because beyond the Teachers are supposed to be smart so why the sam fuck did you just step out in front of me look I might just throw the Jeep in park, roll down my window and scream Really, right now?!?! Ya know, because I've been watching Jersey Shore lately.
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