October 7, 2011

Screw It, I Quit

Raising well rounded children is just too much work. I don't even work outside the home and I'm totally overwhelmed right now.

This was my September and while there were a few days without something written on them, trust me, I was jumping through my asshole with activities those days, too. I mean really, I don't pencil in my 5am runs, the hours I spend writing the shelter article for the paper, or the 25 minute blocks of time I need to hide from my children in the bathroom. It all adds up, ya know?

And what's with these fundraisers? Dude, people are only going to think the Congratulations, you're on the You've Been Deemed Obligated To Buy Crap From My Kid list  email is funny like 3 or 4 times before they start marking my emails as spam and stop taking my calls because seriously, who can afford that shit?
These kids sell Christmas wrapping paper for elementary school - if they sell 200 items they get some shit like a pencil that lights up. Anyone ever heard of the Dollar Aisle at Target? That's where I'm taking Aidan next time he comes home with one of those damn packets. They sell popcorn for $40 a bag for Boy Scouts and they get... um, to be a Boy Scout. And all this time I thought paying the membership fee was how they got to be a Boy Scout. Silly me. I think they might actually have to sell the rights to name their first born child for athletics next season. I can't keep up. Because everyone knows when I say "these kids sell" I really mean "I have to try to sell". It's kinda bullshit.

Look, I know there are steps I could take to make my life infinitely less hectic schedule-wise, I'm not stupid. If I pushed more Wii games and quit signing the boys up for football, soccer, basketball, etc.... I'd gain some ground. I could just buy Aidan a BB gun because that's the ONLY reason he even wants to be in Scouts. And if I could quit giving a shit if the dogs at the shelter get adopted I could sit at home on my unstressed ass a little more. But if I did that what would I bitch about here at ye ol' blog? I wouldn't do that to you guys!


Anonymous said...

Yep, that's pretty much what my calendar looks like too. Sometimes I get stressed out just looking at it!

Did your kids bring home school fundraisers the VERY FIRST day of school? Mine did. I thought that was kind of ridiculous. Honestly, they can't wait a week before bombarding us with coupon books to sell and money to raise for library books? Sheesh.

Unknown said...

You do realize I couldn't pass up the opportunity to chime in on a fundraiser rant, right? I DON'T buy the overpriced giftwrap, I don't buy the sucky Scout popcorn. Seriously, the only way you're gonna change it (and you might as well go ahead and do it now while your boys are young) is to offer to head-up the fundraiser IF you can change it to something REASONABLE PRICED that people ARE GOING TO BUY ANYWAY. Ones I've done successfully: Christmas wreaths and garlands, mulch (the Scouts and their dads deliver it),pumpkins this time of year (in a parking lot "patch"), bedding plants/herbs/perennials in the spring, and frozen cookie dough.

Ordie O. said...

Be careful with this kind of thing. The older you get, the less willing you are to have a calender like this. It'll make an old woman out of you.

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

This shit is definitely insane! Sausage,chocolate, cheap ass jewelry, paper, popcorn...give me a freaking break!!! Between play practice, orchestra, choir, drama club, art club, ortho, dentist, general sickness and I *do* work outside the home now, I have no time to take a pee, let alone workout like I need to lol! I feel your pain sister!!!!!

.. said...

I never let the kids sell that fundraising crap. I would much rather pay whatever fee that they were trying to cover than have my kids schleping that overpriced shit door to door. I can't believe they still get away with it!

Megan said...

..I effing love you.

On my hiatus from internet land I've fallen far behind on your archives. Do you know what this means? HOURS OF CATCH UP. YAYYY!

Also, I got on this here blog and was all, "WHOA THIS IS FREAKING FANCY AND I LOVE IT."

You're hilarious, lady.