October 18, 2011

I Need Aidan To Ride The Bus

This blog is the perfect outlet for my numerous letters that need written to specific people or objects I encounter throughout my day. Instead of my gun, I blog about the idiots. It makes for a more socially acceptable read: infinitely less enjoyable for me outcome. And I guess it's better for the idiot, too. Today's letter basically wrote itself.

Dear Mercedes Minivan Mom,

Don't pretend you don't know who I am. I'm the gal in the Jeep that your overpriced bitch-mobile nearly took the front end off of. Remember? After you cut me off I followed you three blocks out of my way, all the while honking my horn because I know how expensive a Mercedes is to repair so the ramming YOUR side of the thing option was off the table. Listen, I got your number, bitch. I know you weren't late for work because you look exactly like me - like you woke up six and a half minutes ago, threw some bread and an oatmeal creme pie in your kid's lunchbox and hauled ass to get him to school on time. You were probably even wearing Crocs without socks with your reindeer pj pants. We're an easy breed to pick out of a group. So, let's have it. What is your rich-bitch excuse for being a rude, drop-off line bully? I'm gonna review my auto insurance and maybe make some changes so next time you try that shit you might just take my Jeep to your driver's side door.

Sincerely,
Bitch In The Jeep Who's Just Crazy Enough To Do It
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