I asked you thirteen times over the course of 3 weeks if you really wanted to play soccer and thirteen times over those 3 weeks you said "Yesth, Mama, me wanna play sthoccer!". So I wrote a check, a big fat check, for you to play soccer. And now, after one practice and one game, you 'justh wanna sthay home"? Um, no. No sir! You have 7 more practices and 7 more games in this season and you are going to 7 practices and 7 games. I am not afraid to drag you kicking and screaming onto that field. You cannot embarrass me, I've been at the doctor's office with your brother. It seems your father may be but I'm not scared of you. You're going next week!
See above letter to Asher - you are now forever banned from making reference to me being the weak parent, the one who gives in, or the one who gets run over by the boys. Also, you're fired from soccer practice transportation.