August 29, 2011

No Rhyme Or Reason

Just a heads up - this post is simply random shit going through my head this morning. Please keep in mind I've been up since 4:45am, ran 5.12 miles, baked two loaves of banana bread, done two loads of laundry, cleaned the boys' room and almost finished the animal shelter article for the paper. This, after not going to sleep until 1am. I'd like to thank Mt Dew and 400mgs of caffeine pills for my productivity.

I'm wondering if anyone in the history of the damn universe has ever used super glue and managed to not get it all the hell over themselves? I'm typing one handed because three fingers of my left hand are stuck together and I almost pulled the "P" key off my laptop thanks to that maniacal substance.

Wow, my blog is the #2 destination for people searching for 'sid the science kid boiled ham'. I don't even know what to say about that... Also popular search terms that brought people here? 'Bird shit', 'Jennifer Aniston's nose/nose-job', and 'old lady lived in 1053A Kopke St.'. That last one screams Stalker to me but maybe I'm just paranoid.

This morning's run brought me to 321 miles in 2011. Three hundred twenty one MILES y'all!  So why, pray tell (I've always wanted to say 'pray tell', did I do it right?) does my ass still look like there are two basketballs in my jeans? Come on! I didn't run 321 miles for fun, dammit, I run purely for reasons of vanity and I'm getting zero payoff. And that is bullshit!

I saw The Help with Skinny Bitch and Kid Sister last night at one of those theaters where you eat dinner and drink booze while you watch the movie. This fool country girl is totally in awe of that whole experience. The movie, oh hell, that movie was SO GOOD! I cannot get "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." out of my head now. Also, Bryce Dallas Howard is DEAD. TO. ME. forever now. Yes, I know she was acting and yes, I get that if she made me hate her she did a great job. I don't care. I loathe her character from the depths of my soul and I will hold that feeling against her for the rest of my life. And let's be honest, that fact is going to make absolutely no difference in that woman's life what-so-ever so just let me have it, okay?

Gawd, the Disney Channel is soooo corny! Those kids cannot be that excited about the next episode of Suite Life on Deck.



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