August 27, 2011

I Almost Went To Prison

I hosted the Fearsome Foursome last night and somehow managed to survive. They showed mercy on me. All four of them ate what I made for dinner - it's really not all that surprising considering it was chicken and mac-n-cheese, actually thanked me for the cookies for dessert, there were no punches thrown, no biting, shoving, slapping, kicking, pinching, head-butting, hair pulling (yes, these boys pull hair), or full body take-downs. And that? No small miracle. Yay me!

Cut to 3am - Asher is up crying because he can't find his blanket. When I go in their room I automatically start counting heads and besides Asher, there are only two. There were four, right? Yes, I'm certain of it! What the... I shrug it off to get Asher settled down thinking one of them - and at this point I'm not even sure which one is missing - went downstairs to the guest bed. You're fine now, Asher, go to sleep, love you, night. Now where the hell is... turn body #1 over - Aidan, turn body #2 over - Julyan. Jayden! Where the hell is Jayden? I go downstairs to look for him. What did he not understand about don't go into the flooded basement? Oh yes, our basement flooded - more on that when I can think about it and not just cry. Jayden isn't there. Shit. Maybe I missed him on the couch in the living-room. Back up stairs I go. No Jayden. Check under the kids' beds. No Jayden. Check the garage. No Jayden. Check all the bathrooms. No Jayden. Shit, shit, shit! Front and back doors locked. Checked my room, my bathroom, my closet,  the laundry room, the linen closet, both hall closets. No Jayden. Oh fucking hell, I'm going to have to tell Kid Sister I lost her kid! I need to call the police. Yes, call police first, tell Kid Sister in police presence to avoid bloodshed. Oh shit, I've seen this Dateline - I get convicted of murder because I write a blog bitching about my kids all the time. *cue uncontrolled body shaking and dry heaving* Go back in boys' room and notice closet door is closed - the closet door is never closed. Open closet doors - Jayden, asleep on the floor completely unaware that he almost got me life in prison. Whew! That was close. I never would have survived the pokey.

8 comments:

The Jammie Girl said...

Nah, you'd have been fine. Somebody would have knitted you a poncho - just like Martha Stewart!

Brandy Rose said...

I had a similar situation except the culprit was hidden under the bed.

Brenda Susan said...

Hahaha! I love you Amanda! Have not been here in a while, lots going on in my crazy world. But I love the new name and new look, it's perfect!

It seemed weird to me that I recognized your sons name and picture before i even knew whose blog this was. What a strange cyber world we live in!

Ordie O. said...

What must he have been doing in there?

Kritta22 said...

What did sexy beast do?

How's the basement now?

ummmhello said...

Hahaa! Oh my GOD I think my own heart rate went up jusr *reading* about losing a kid in your charge.

How's the basement?

Lorie Shewbridge said...

I could just feel the anxiety you must have felt. I "lost" my son one day when he was around 2 - we were all outside and I looked around and he was nowhere to be found. I went upstairs to check our 4 room apt. and couldn't find him anywhere; asked my MIL who lived on the first floor (WHOLE other issues there) and she looked everywhere in her house - no Nik.
I started to panic, everyone started to panic, we were all running all over looking for him and calling his name. I finally found him fast asleep under his bed with his blankie. He said he got tired so he went to take a nap, he must have fallen off the bed. NOT FUN!
What the hell happened to your basement???

MoonNStarMommy said...

OMGosh Noah does this to me all the damn time, and the babies have started too, Noah is usually hiding under a blanket somewhere and the babies, well, they tuck themselves into the weirdest places!! One time, we searched the entire house for Calahan, even went to the dock where he liked to hang out when he was mad, and couldn't find the kid. I honestly thought he ran away. I don't remember where he was, but he was in the house the whole time. I feel your pain ...