June 2, 2011

No Fair!

Holy hell, those two words used together are no longer allowed in this house. I hear this at least 3400 times a day. No fair! Aidan bet me upstairs! No fair! Asher gets the blue bowl! No fair! He got more milk than me! No fair! No fair! No fair! For the love of God, STOP SAYING NO FAIR OR I'M GOING TO WRAP DUCT TAPE AROUND YOUR HEAD WITH ONLY SMALL HOLES AT YOUR NOSTRILS BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL OVER NO FAIR!

They fight over the most asinine things. I swear on my laptop they have actually thrown down over a rock. A ROCK! They fight over who brushes his teeth first and which one gets the mail. They fight over who gets the last kiss at bedtime and who gets on the front of the double swing. They argue about who Brody loves more and who made it down the slide the fastest. Honest to goodness tears are shed over who gets the blue bowl as opposed to the green bowl for cereal. It never ends. Mr was picking up Brody poo in the yard and the boys nearly came to blows over who got to hold the poop bag. Then, when he was telling me about this Aidan pipes up with I found two more piles than Asher! followed by a Did not, me found more poop!

Just let that sink in. You smellin' what I'm steppin' in? Pardon the pun, I couldn't resist.

The point is this goes on and on, day after after day, non-stop from 6am until sweet baby Jesus puts me out of my misery with bedtime. It's important to note that during the summer their bedtime is not the strict 8pm of the school year. I think I could put forth a fabulous argument that the 8pm bedtime might be even more pertinent during the summer months because without that definite time for me to mentally countdown the hours of my pain we might not all survive. And if I drive myself off a cliff - yes, there are a few cliffs in Iowa - the one I leave behind will never find a nanny that Aidan and Asher won't chew up, spit out, and then fight over who took the biggest bite. He could pretty much forget remarriage until they go off to prison college.


Megan said...

Hahahahahahaha that was all kinds of hilarious. CAPS MAKE EVERYTHING FUNNIER.

My brother and I were the same way when we were kids, except he would bite me. Yeah. I probably have some weird form of rabies. That would actually explain a lot.

Along These Lines ... said...

Been there, done that. Thank goodness ours are "all growed up." Funny!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

I'm with Nick Thomas... been there/done that.
The only thing I can tell you is that is does stop eventually. But then they are teenagers and there are a WHOLE bunch of other problems. YIKES!
God be with you!