February 15, 2011

New Rules

This will almost certainly be the focus of many a therapy session for Aidan and Asher but I don't give a damn.  I'm gonna catch the blame if they turn out to be serial killers anyway - fuck it.

From now on the boys will be peeing sitting down at home. Unless, of course, they pool their allowance to hire someone to clean the encrusted piss off of the toilet - notably the outside of the toilet, the walls, and the floor -  because I'm no longer available for such bullshit. I may have signed up for changing diapers and cleaning up puke and other such mother shit but the line has been drawn. No more.

Ya know, boys, that thing comes to a bit of a point, it shouldn't be too hard to aim. Plus you two are short so the bowl is literally right there! What is the problem?


Texan Zombie Goddess said...

I have often wondered about that myself.

I assume that they walk into the bathroom, slowly dropping their drawers, then just kind of swing it over what they assume is the edge of the toilet and let it go.

They notice that they aren't hitting the water to they swing their hips right...

then left...

the right again.

Then when the are done, they shake it like a polaroid picture and slowly wiggle the pants halfway up again, leaving half the ass crack hanging out and a small wet spot on the front.

Then you walk into the bathroom, start your shower, and the steam brings up the ever so subtle scent of rotten, crusty piss all over the bathroom.

Then you confront them and they say:

Wasn't me.

Maybe it was you.

Then I start to wonder how to glue their peehole shut...

Ian said...

We dribble. Its that simple.

cbs111 said...

I enacted that rule too. The boys think I'm crazy but I am not the maid, and until I find where she's hiding, I'm not gonna do it!

Steph said...

Have you tried the Cheerios thing? Where they aim at the Os? Also, my 17 yo STILL DOES THIS CRAP. So, he's the one who gets to clean the toilet he uses.

I'm having a brain fart - how old are your little guys? Well, hell, it doesn't matter. If they're old enough to pee standing up, they're old enough to hold a Clorox wipe.

Just FTR, yes, we have therapy funds for the kids. The therapy funds are larger than their college funds. It's about PRIORITIES.

PBJdreamer said...

good for you!

Pee sitting down AND clean the bathroom. BONUS for you?

I used to use "clean the toilet" as a punishment.

it worked well.....it worked well

that is all

Shannon said...

As the mother of 2 girls, I haven't had this problem.

However... I can (sort of) relate. I refuse to clean the girls' bathroom, especially their sink. I don't understand how two GIRLS can get toothpaste EVERYwhere! And they don't rinse out the sink after they're done brushing their teeth, so there's dried toothpaste all over the place.

I know dried toothpaste isn't the same as dried pee... but, still. GROSS.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

OMG... that is absolutely hysterical! Brings back such memories! Reminds me of a commedy routine by one of my good friends Maryellen Hooper, she has two boys also. You have to see her if you get a chance.