February 22, 2011

It Snuck Up On Me This Year

Anna and February 26, I mean. It happened gradually - one year Aidan had some school thing, a play-date for Asher the next year, a strategically planned shopping trip by my friends... whatever the case, 'not existing' on that date ceased to be an option. This year Aidan's first indoor soccer game is on February 26 and it only just occurred to me that it's on February 26. After 5 years I guess the actual date is less significantly harsh. Losing her still sucks like hell, it just sucks like hell more evenly throughout the year.

We don't release butterflies or balloons, we don't visit a grave (or pull out the urn in our case), we don't really outwardly acknowledge the anniversary at all - and it works for us I guess. On Saturday I'll post the photo of her here on the blog to mark the date and head off to Aidan's soccer game. I'll get the calls, emails, texts, and Facebook messages from those who faithfully remember every year and I'll ignore them until the day after because while I may not feel as fragile as I did on this date in 2006, I'm not ready to be completely okay on February 26.


Anonymous said...

:( No words. Not fair. Sending my love today.

SpiritWings said...

Sending you warmth and comfort..

Ordie O. said...

If you were here I would rock you.

Ian said...

Coming in late to the party - what happened in Feb 2006? Lost my mother that same month 5 years ago.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

No word will ever heal that pain.
HUGS from me.
LOVE what your mom said, I can understand that sentiment.
Love you, friend.