March 29, 2010

Musical Monday - Counting Crows

Two of my favorite Counting Crows songs - I Wish I Was A Girl and St Robinson In His Cadillac Dream

I don't know what's up with the Boone/Lost video but it's the best sounding video I could find.

March 27, 2010

Losing My Dot Com

I bought my dot com address last April. Think I know who I paid for that? No. No clue. So I imagine sometime in April they are going to cut me off. I mean, is that what they do? Like the cable company? Not that I've ever had my cable shut off, I've just heard... If, one day in April, you come here for your Martian fix and I'm gone, well, I really don't know who you can talk to about that. Or I would talk to them. And probably pay them even.


March 26, 2010

And In Other News...

Asher said "shut the fuck up" three times today. I don't think the average guy on the street would understand what he said but still. If it helps any, it is always followed with "oh, foddy, Mama, foddy" so surely I get credit for the manners which obviously makes me a shoo in for Mother of the Year, right?

March 23, 2010

Ever Hear Of Mother's Wrath?

Dear Will,

Today Aidan came home and told me that you told him he could come to your house to play soccer and later said you were "tricking" and he can't come. Listen up, you little bastard, knock it off! I assure you I'm not "tricking" about whoopin' your little ass for being mean to my baby. He might be sweet enough not to realize you're being a punk but I smell bullshit. I'd like to thump you on the head but you'll probably just get the same look Ricky did for punching Aidan in the face and teaching him a new cuss word every day. I've got my eye on you, kid.

Love,
Aidan's Mom

March 22, 2010

'Cuth

We let Aidan and Asher sleep on the floor in the family room downstairs tonight. About an hour later Asher starts yelling for us and of course we scurry right down there to tend to his every need.

You hear the dripping sarcasm in that statement, right?

At some point this exchange takes place and kinda sorta made our night. We have the most hysterically funny kids in existence.

Asher - Aidan theepin'

Me - I know.

Asher - I wanna hit him.

Daddy - Why?

Asher - 'Cuth.

March 19, 2010

Oh, Ya'll!


Okay, Sobe Lifewater People, you should totally pay me in product for this blog post. Until you do though, I will continue to buy these 20oz bottles of bliss for sometimes as much as $2 each. Why? Because they are better than sweet tea.

Oh yes, I said it. And it's true, ya'll! I LOVE this stuff! Specifically, the Strawberry Kiwi flavor. I'm usually not thrilled with the other flavors, especially the Zero Calorie ones - DUH! Look at my ass - but this one is my FAVE!

Who's tried it? Do you lovey too?

March 16, 2010

Now I Know Why Verizon Bought Alltel. Because Clearly They Need Some Help

Dear Alltel,
I'm writing to you today because my husband is not getting his work emails on his BlackBerry. Not since Thursday. I, myself, am having no problem getting the 67 or so Cialis and Viagra and Canadian Pharmacy ads each day from my Yahoo email account. Go figure. The reason I am writing instead of calling is simple; According to your recording, after 8 minutes of prompts, Alltel is experiencing technical difficulties and will not be able to answer my calls. Oh, technical difficulties? No shit, Sherlock. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
I cannot wait until our contract with you is up. Maybe I can get a phone number from the STATE I LIVE IN with another provider. Maybe he can get his email. Maybe, just maybe, their technical support can respond to issues with a little more than "Yeah, we know the service is fucked, that's why we're not answering calls at this time. We are experiencing technical difficulties and are unable to answer your call." You suck!
Sincerely,
Your Hostage Loyal Customer in Iowa with a Nebraska Phone Number

March 15, 2010

Musical Monday

Just a note, it kinda irritated me this past week when 2 songs I was using for my Musical Monday were sung on American Idol. THOSE ARE MY SONGS, Jackasses! BACK OFF!!!




March 11, 2010

Take The Time To Watch This. For Real!

Sometimes I Think To Myself, Really? Is This Really My Life?

I didn't write about it but I Twittered and told everyone on Facebook about it. Last week after the boys went to bed, Asher came upstairs mad as a wet hen talking about "Aidan pee on my bed!" followed by Aidan "He's a liar, I did not!". We looked at each other with the 'no. mother-fucking. way!' look and headed downstairs and yes, Aidan had very obviously peed off of the top bunk onto Asher's bed below, on the wall, on the curtains, and on the carpet. He explained later that he "just wanted to pee off the bed". Oh, well, in that case...

Just a few days later, after going through some stuff in the storage/playroom, Mr told me that he was pretty sure one of the boys had peed into an old TV down there. We tried to act like surely our kids wouldn't pee onto the electronics knowing full well that they damn sure would and more specifically that Aidan was most likely the culprit. Our suspicions were confirmed today when I was moving all of our stuff from that room into the locked storage room since clearly NOTHING is safe where they can get to it. The TV reeked of pee and it was all wet inside. Plus, Asher ratted him out.

Seriously? Do all boys do this shit or did we just get lucky? Aidan's always had his quirks, always been difficult, always made us shake our heads... It's not ODD, it's not Asperger's... he's his very own diagnosis and I'm not sure I'm going to survive my child-rearing years.

Another Reason I'm Looking Forward To An Empty Nest


Damn, I can't watch anything on TV anymore! A couple episodes of The Tudors and Aidan's downstairs trying to cut the head off of his teddy bear, talking about "I don't know why they do this but...". Although, to be fair, he did this without any help from my TV viewing habits, thankyouverymuch.

March 9, 2010

Is It A Requirement...

... to be a... wait for it... cunt! to work at the DMV?

Yeah, I said it!

I just want a damn class C drivers license. I'm not trying to fly a plane or a drive big rig or even a motorcycle so why must I have a recent utility bill, fingerprint card, background check, social security card, lie detector test, birth certificate, passport, and a letter from the doctor who delivered me? For Christ sake, I had a very obviously 30 year old CARBON COPY of the original certificate. Do you know the meaning of 'carbon copy'? How exactly do you imagine I faked that? I'd like to jack-slap thank you for your snide, condescending tone while you chided me for not having the correct paperwork and also for the wretched looks of pure irritation and asshole, constipated look on your face with every little sound Asher made in the HOURS we were there. He's fucking adorable, how can you not smile at him? And he wasn't even being a snot, he was in a great mood and being incredibly cute. You're a bitch.

Love,
Another Unsatisfied DMV Customer Who Curses Any Day Spent At The DMV

March 7, 2010

Poll: Chileans Unhappy With Gov'ts Quake Response

When I saw this headline flashing across my Yahoo homepage 2 things immediately came to mind.

#1. Didn't your country suffer an 8.8 magnitude earthquake and resulting tsunami? That's kind of a big deal, it might take a day or two. Clearly patience is not your virtue.

#2. After such a natural disaster, instead of picking up debris or rebuilding homes, you took a poll? And you're disappointed in the government's response?

Shut up!

After reading the article further I realize that this is a poll of 600 people taken in Santiago. The population of Santiago is about 5 Million. The population of Chile is roughly 16 Million. Suddenly your poll pisses me off infinitely more. Shut the FUCK up!

March 1, 2010

My Bachelor Victory

Here's my take on The Bachelor's final episode.

Jake is a douche. Tenley lost, Vienna won, which means I won. Yay me! So Krista and Stacie, Bit O Honey is my preferred candy.

I'll be checking my mailbox.