December 21, 2010

Think I Won't Do It?

Then you don't know me very well. Cuz I'll damn sure do it.

We are discussing the possibility of Santa not bringing gifts for Aidan this year. Yeah, yeah, poor Aidan *eyeroll* bullshit! The little snot informed us last night that he doesn't believe in the Naughty List. I don't even think there is a Naughty List because every year you say I'm naughty and Santa is going to put me on the Naughty List but every year I gets gifts from Santa. I think they just made up the Naughty List so kids will be good. Oh yes, that's pretty much word for word. And the truth is, he's right. He acts like a complete asshat virtually every day of the year and on December 25, he gets rewarded for it in grand fashion with tons of presents, none of which he needs and very few of which he even appreciates. I'm of the mind that Christmas should be more about Jesus. Let me tell you, Aidan needs Jesus. 

I think this year Aidan will wake up to a full stocking and a strongly worded letter from the fat man in red. It will say

Dear Aidan,
Thank you for the cookies, I ate them all. I went ahead and ate everything else in the house that I thought you might like. Now listen up, you little shit. I've been watching you and I heard you say you don't believe in The Naughty List. Let me assure you, it's real. And your name made it this year. I took mercy on you and filled your stocking but I am leaving you no other gifts. You better watch your attitude from today on because I've got my special Look Out Elf reporting all of your behavior to me each day. If you want off the Naughty List next Christmas, you better shape up. Now what do you believe, smart guy?
Santa
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