December 14, 2010

Some People Dream of Getting a Sitcom

Who wants to lay bets on if/when I will end up on Dateline or 48 Hours? And let's be honest, it's coming. I've pictured the episode in my head many times before. I don't imagine there will be interviews with my friends claiming There was never any indication she was going to go off on a homicidal rampage like that because let's face it, this entire blog hints at just that. I'm pretty sure I'm also out of the running for a public office, the PTA, any job where I carry a gun, and supervising other people's children. There go all my plans for the future! Or not.

Maybe I'll just fall of the face of the earth and it'll be a national mystery what happened to me. I will be severely missed. The whole country will put black bows, yes black, on trees and big banners with my smiling mug and an 800 number on them. Scenes of hundreds of people walking side by side across fields searching for me or my things will run in loops during the evening news. Candlelight vigils and all that jazz will ensue. Of course the husband will be suspected in the beginning but he will be cleared when it becomes obvious that there's no way in hell he would dispose of me leaving him alone with Aidan and Asher. 

I'm thinking my best chance of making it to prime-time will be on one of those What Would You Do episodes with John Quinones. I'll be the one who gets up in the offender/actor's face screaming but you can't understand what I'm saying due to the near constant beeps to cover the profanity. Quinones will have to run out and save his actor from me. The police will surely follow and at the end of the show the announcer will tell viewers that they can see the trial of the crazy lady when her story appears on next week's Dateline.

What? Any of these scenarios is entirely plausible. 


Lorie Shewbridge said...

I had to stifle my laughter so I wouldn't wake up anyone... it is almost 3:30am here.
I could clearly see you on "What Would You Do?"
I would totally miss you and tie a black ribbon around my tree. I'd write blog posts about you and organize rallies and search parties. You know I would!!

Ordie O. said...

Quit, already. I see it as you're a famous professional blogger who taught her mother the trade just before they both got richer than heck and invited on some tv show that I don't know the name of because I don't watch that trash and not so much of that you killed somebody or came up MIA.