November 14, 2010

What's In A Name?

Amanda is a pretty common, normal name. Most people can spell and pronounce it easily. Problem is no-one seems to be able to remember that Amanda is my name. I'm Angel, Amber, Alicia... pretty much any other A name but Amanda. Our lawn guy thinks my name is April, I've quit correcting him. In fact the only one I bother to correct anymore is Amber because I am absolutely not an Amber.

The first name thing is tame compared to my last name trials. My maiden name was hard to live with. It's German, is not pronounced like it looks like it should, it's just really difficult. I spent my whole life spelling and correcting mispronunciations of it. So imagine my delight to marry a Cox. How much easier could it get than Cox? Or so you'd think. I spell Cox all the damn time, always with a tone of 'c. o. x.  you fucking moron'

Back when I was a parole officer, the parolee filled out a form each time they came in. If I was in the office I collected the form, otherwise they put my name on the top of it and left it for me. So I come back from home visits one day to a form with 'Officer Amber Cocks' written at the top. Oh hell fucking no he did not write that knowing I would see it! I immediately called him back in thinking he absolutely did it on purpose to be a dick. I asked him if he liked prison, questioned his sanity, and chewed his ass without mercy. As I was finishing up I notice the look on his face, an expression of pure terror mixed with embarrassment. Then he says "Oh God, Officer Cox, I swear I didn't mean to, I thought about it really hard to be sure I got it right. I'm sorry, really, I'm really sorry!" Maybe he was lying, maybe not. Doesn't matter, I got to say my piece. Unfortunately that's not where the story ends. This incident led to all of my coworkers and eventually my own mother and sister calling me up saying Officer Cocks please, C O C K S (slowly spelling each letter). Bwahahahahahaha! Oh you guys are fucking hysterical!
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