I don't give one shit about Prince William and Kate Middleton or their wedding. I don't care when she's going to have a baby. I don't care that he gave her his mother's ring. I just don't care. You've seen his father, right? That's what he's going to look like so don't get too excited, Katie. Also, I'm irritated that I even know all that stuff about them.
I don't give a damn about Michael Douglas' ex-wife trying to get money for some movie he was in 600 years ago. Don't you have enough money already, Mike? You can't take it with you, ya know?
Don't care that Eva Longoria Parker and Tony Parker are divorcing. Another Hollywood divorce, I'm shocked! Or I was right all along, whatever.
Don't even care that Gwyneth Paltrow is going country. I didn't even know she had gone music.
I'm not interested in the Gosselin girls getting expelled from school. Like, who didn't see them being the mean girls? Although to be fair we thought it would be in high school, not elementary.
Lindsay Lohan's drug problems, Snooki's antics, Bret Michaels banging Achy Breaky's Wife, and Katie Perry in a constant state of cleavage - I. don't. care. Which is odd because usually I'm all over that trash.