November 7, 2010

StatCounter Is Better Than HBO

When I get low on blog fodder I can always fall back on my stats. You people fucking kill me!

I learn things about myself from my stats. I'm very big in Germany. By my standards at least.

Nobody searches with any other search engine that Google. This doesn't really tell me anything about myself but it does kinda freak me out. Seriously, they own Youtube and Picasa and all this new Droid shit and they are definitely going on my list of Shit That Is Too Big And Powerful And Therefore Can't Be Good. Also on that list? Oprah and China.

To whoever searched for 'whacked out facebook updates' - friend me, I'll show you whacked out facebook updates.

To whoever searched for 'another words for kids' - satan spawn, crumb snatchers, wretched little psychos, tax deductions, mini-terrorists... really, I could go on.

To the 68% of you who stick around reading Martians for an hour or more per visit - you wanna get married? Cuz I lurve you!

This is the most popular post in the last 30 days. That night is still vivid in my memory as proof beyond all reasonable doubt that, best case scenario, the demon that used to control Aidan during times of stress was not a figment of my imagination. Worst case scenario, the damn thing is still in there just biding it's time in hopes of making the national news one of these days.

Sorry, you photo downloading pervert mother-fuckers, I hate that the little HTML code I put in stopped you from right clicking and saving pictures of my boys on your nasty little hard-drive. I think we've talked about this before. I'm watching you.

I notice that very, very few of you exit Martians by clicking on an ad or one of my charity donation sites. You know, I didn't just slap those up there for shits and giggles. Just so ya know.

6 comments:

That one girl said...

That is so funny that you mention Google. I was just telling my friend last night, I'm soooo over them and going back to Ask Jeeves!

(So the Ask Jeeves referring site would be me...)

Rikki said...

My favorite thing to call children: Little Screamers. Which is, I think, the number one on the top of my husbands list of reasons I shouldn't have any Little Screamers of my own.

(Your stats make me laugh!)

Anonymous said...

The majority of my stalkers are in the U.S.. Then Singapore? No offense but what the fuck is in Singapore? And Russia.. The Russians could be cool, could be spies.. Hhhmm.. Could be they want to kidnap me and sell me into sex slavery..
You need to share how you do the "don't steal" thing.. I def. don't want my kids n' grandsons ending up on some freaks hard drive.
Oh, and am now exiting via an ad. ; )

Anonymous said...

FYI - I did NOT win the "Toaster Strudel" - damn it! - But I will be back to try again tomorrow. Thank you very much!

Penny said...

My husband calls the kids "anti-sex bots". You *STILL* have not shared that damned code for the pics with the rest of us you know lol! I don't click on them there ads because I don't wanna get spammed by any of them :P.

Emily said...

Funny, I read your blog when I lived in Germany... I still do sometimes but life in England is a lot busier than in Germany!