November 11, 2010

I Gots No Style

As a kid I really thought by age 31 29 I would naturally be stylish and trendy and, well, not a goofy, leggy, awkward kid. Didn't happen that way.

Once in 2001 my hair was trendy. Courtesy of a chemical haircut, I donned short, short hair for the first time since elementary school when my mother took me right before school started to a butcher who apparently thought I was a boy based on the "style" she gave me. Yes, I'm still hung up on that, Mom. Since then it has not gotten below my shoulders and has been very close to pixie cut a few times. It's close to my shoulders now and I'm trying really hard not to chop it off. I do however, change the color quite often so it's not totally boring.

I still wear boot cut jeans because I despise skinny jeans. I know they are better to wear with snazzy boots but I don't wear those either. I know they say skinny jeans flatter any shape or size. I'm betting "they" are skinny little shits and therefore have no idea what flatters my fat ass and what doesn't.

I don't wear dresses. I have exactly 2 skirts - a khaki one but it's maternity and a black one that I did wear over the summer quite often. That is until I saw a photo of myself in it. Why does my mirror insist on lying to me?

I don't wear funky necklaces or gawdy chic rings. I try but I end up looking like a 6 year old who broke into her mom's jewelry box. I almost never change my earrings. I only wear my wedding ring and sometimes a simple platinum band on my pinkie. And by sometimes I mean when my fingers don't resemble sausage links. Which translates to not very damn often! 

I told you that I've been perusing numerous fashion blogs. More specifically, curvy girl fashion. And apparently it is acceptable to call it FATshion. Really? Why do they have to go there? Anyway, a few of my favorites are Curvy Girl Chic, Frocks and Frou Frou, Madison Plus, Fashion Bananas, and God's Favorite Shoes. FATale Fashion is where it all started. How freaking cute is she? There is a down side to looking at these blogs, I become super aware of how un-cute I am. And un-stylish. I'm most comfortable in my black yoga pants and a long sleeved t-shirt. When I leave the house I 'dress up' in jeans.  Could I be any more mom-ish? Will I always be this mom-ish?

10 comments:

Penny said...

When my parents and I moved back from Germany when I was 8, I had hair down past my butt. We were driving through Florida and apparently the words "I am hot" made my mother decide to have all my hair cut off. And I mean *cut off*. I went from being a cute little girl to being the ugliest damned boy you have ever seen in your life. I have never allowed my hair to go above my shoulders since.

I love to wear dresses but haven't in, oh, 13 years. When I reach my desired size of 8 again which will be hopefully by New Years, I will consider it. Only. consider.

I love skinny jeans, especially the commercials for skinny jeans where they say, "Flatters *all* sizes!", and all the girls are a size *2*. Fork em I say. I have an ass and boobies that women pay *thousands* for, and I am tired of being told I should be embarrassed about it lol!

I feel ya chick. I really do. We are hot mommas, rockstars in our own right. We deserve to feel like it!

\IiiI

Krystal said...

I feel the exact same way you do and it sounds like I dress the same too. I hate being a total mom, I need a wardrobe makeover. Otherwise I think I'll be wearing yoga pants and long sleeve t's for the rest of my life. Jeans are totally saved for "dressing up" or "going out." They're all boot cut. I don't even own any cute boots. And chunky jewelry looks funny on me and I'm not brave enough to wear it. Let me just say, I don't think the skinny jean phenomenon is flattering on anybody (even those little size 2's, they look like little twigs), and definitely not me.

Ariana said...

Thanks so much for the shout out!! Come to jersey and I'll dress you to the nines! lol

Laura Leane said...

"I don't wear funky necklaces or gawdy chic rings. I try but I end up looking like a 6 year old who broke into her mom's jewelry box." ...but that's the look now! Haha. Seriously though, have you seen these pieces they're selling lately? Rings that are bigger than your fist; necklaces with chandeliers hanging from them; hoop earrings that are bigger than your head... I don't know if bigger is always better.

bettyl said...

I'm quite happy to be 'retired' (for a lack of a better word) and have 3 pairs of identical sweat pants (except for a weird spot on one...but I digress). Nobody has a problem being seen with me, so I go with it.And, I do have a couple of skirts for the 'occasions'.

I am 'fluffy' and I don't mind. I don't like the mirror reflections, but not enough to do anything about it.

I yam what I yam (/popeye)

~Rachel~ said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Oh my goodness, when I read "the family bitch" under your occupation I laughed for a minute straight. Hilarious!!

CynthiaK said...

So where's the photo of the 2001 brilliant hairdo?! Come on! Seriously. Check what I just posted over on Crumbs today if you want to have a hair laugh...

And I agree, skinny jeans are nasty nasty things.

Sandra said...

It's ok to call it FATshion?...I kind of take offence to that. Fashion is hard enough to accomplish without putting a freaking weight limit on it now...

Anonymous said...

Hello??? Have you heard of MILF's?? It's okay to be Mom-ish and you're absolutely beautiful so whatever - that's what I have to say about that! Always, always, always remember you were Amanda before you were "Mom" and "the missus." What did Amanda do for Amanda before all the titles.. How did Amanda dress, act, feel, shop?? :) Take one day a week and just be Amanda - easier said than done, I know, typically you don't get the full day, it sux, I know.. - Buy the cool lip gloss, nail polish or make up or bag (and don't take it back!) Be selfish. You're allowed. :)
Sry - that was my Mom rant.. :/

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I've been perusing your posts and loving them, but you definitely had me at this one. I gots no style either - my whole blog is based on that one sad fact.

When you said, "Could I be any more mom-ish? Will I always be this mom-ish?" I wanted to jump through the screen and hug you. Because as much as I want them, I have no answers - but I do feel the exact same!!