November 20, 2010

Headlines

Yes, this is a repost because nobody commented on my witty brilliance the first time and I'm kinda offended by that.

Messy Mommy does a semi-regular People In Review post where she writes her responses to headlines on People.com. I've long been jealous that I didn't come up with this idea because I've always got some smart-ass response to entertainment headlines. So I thought what the hell, I'll just stay away from People.com and cop to borrowing the concept from her. Hey, all's fair in the search for blog fodder.

Yeah, because Kanye's the one who needs to be forgiven, hu, Dubya?

How about you, I don't know, complete a rehab before opening your own? Puh-leeze! And Dina, who the fuck taught you to be a mother?

Oh, just one? Except for that Heidi Fleiss hooker stuff. And that whole pulling a knife on your wife thing. Oh and the beating up your girlfriend in 1996. Let's not forget trying to kill your ex-wife, forcing her to get a restraining order. And didn't you shoot Kelly Preston back in 1990? Oh yeah, you denied that but you two split so I'm guessing you fucking shot her. You are an infant, grow up.

For crying out loud! Yes, we love Betty White. But Honorary Forest Ranger? You know lots of celebs get Honorary Degrees from Harvard, Betty White gets to be an Honorary Forest Ranger. Hmmm.

For a custody hearing. Bwahahahahahahaha! You don't really think a judge is going to give you full custody of a kid, do you, Mel? So in addition to being a racist and a bigot and a spousal abuser, you truly are delusional as well. Good to know.

Not I!!! Toke up, dude!

I'm a bitch. You, Nancy Grace, are a vicious, wretched, nasty, hateful talking head. There's being tough and then there's being a fucking bully. 

Well congratulations on dodging numerous venereal diseases. That boy is just dirty!
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