It's time for the weekly What Amanda Did To Prove She's A Tool On Saturday Night. Again this week, at 8pm I went for a run. Fifteen minutes in and I'm on a pretty dark stretch of my route, lit only by passing car lights and the occasional street light. The path is a walking/bike path along the road with a field beyond the path. This would be the field that attracted the deer that tried to kill me last weekend. So I'm bebopping along listening to Cher's Just Like Jesse James, panting - although slightly less with each run, the shadow of my soon-to-be-rockin' body stretching over to my right into the field when I notice something. There's more than one shadow.
Shit! I've got to turn this music down, I never hear anyone/thing coming. Quit weaving, Amanda, slow down, let them pass.
The other shadow slows down also.
Fine, fucker, I'm outta here!
I speed up, the other shadow speeds up.
What the fuck, dude?!?! Wait, this might not be good. These passing cars don't know this jerk off isn't my running partner, as soon as it's good and dark I'm dead, they'll find my body in the field being eaten by that fucking doe from last weekend!
The other shadow is gaining on me.
Shit, shit, shit! I've got nuthin'! No gun, no mace, no keys, no cell phone. I fucking knew this running bullshit was going to kill me!
The other shadow is right. on. top. of me. My heart is racing.
Hell, maybe I'll survive, I'm gonna at least see his face.
The other shadow passes my shadow. Car also passes. I turn around to see... nothing.
I turn back around to see the other shadow is now way ahead of my shadow. BECAUSE IT'S MY SHADOW! Apparently I'm not yet used to how lights from different sources and passing vehicles move shadows at night. I literally scared the shit out of myself. I also managed to both run from and outrun myself. There's a talent in that, folks.