October 31, 2010

OMG, Who Is Chasing me?

It's time for the weekly What Amanda Did To Prove She's A Tool On Saturday Night. Again this week, at 8pm I went for a run. Fifteen minutes in and I'm on a pretty dark stretch of my route, lit only by passing car lights and the occasional street light. The path is a walking/bike path along the road with a field beyond the path. This would be the field that attracted the deer that tried to kill me last weekend. So I'm bebopping along listening to Cher's Just Like Jesse James, panting - although slightly less with each run, the shadow of my soon-to-be-rockin' body stretching over to my right into the field when I notice something. There's more than one shadow. 

Shit! I've got to turn this music down, I never hear anyone/thing coming. Quit weaving, Amanda, slow down, let them pass.

The other shadow slows down also. 

Fine, fucker, I'm outta here!

I speed up, the other shadow speeds up. 

What the fuck, dude?!?! Wait, this might not be good. These passing cars don't know this jerk off isn't my running partner, as soon as it's good and dark I'm dead, they'll find my body in the field being eaten by that fucking doe from last weekend!

The other shadow is gaining on me.

Shit, shit, shit! I've got nuthin'! No gun, no mace, no keys, no cell phone. I fucking knew this running bullshit was going to kill me!

The other shadow is right. on. top. of me. My heart is racing.

Hell, maybe I'll survive, I'm gonna at least see his face.

The other shadow passes my shadow.  Car also passes. I turn around to see... nothing.

What the...?

I turn back around to see the other shadow is now way ahead of my shadow. BECAUSE IT'S MY SHADOW!  Apparently I'm not yet used to how lights from different sources and passing vehicles move shadows at night. I literally scared the shit out of myself. I also managed to both run from and outrun myself. There's a talent in that, folks. 

7 comments:

Opto-Mom said...

When I was in college, I was walking across campus to my car, and had to walk right by the water plant, so it was really loud. This guy came around the corner as I was coming around the corner in the opposite direction, and he almost ran right into me.

I screamed (you could even hear me over the rush of the water plant) and pulled out my pepper spray. He started backpedaling and tripped over a fire hydrant. Poor dude was just out for a jog. I didn't help him up though. He still could have been like the freak from Silence of the Lambs. You're not getting me in your moving van, buddy!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG!!!! You need a video camera attached to you on your runs! This is HYSTERICAL!! AND I can't believe your husband lets you outta' the house at night unsupervised! ;)

Willa said...

Ha ha, i know that feeling so well. I am really bad that way - very easily get frightened by my own shadow.

Brenda Susan said...

You ran from yourself and outran yourself? Only you! Yes, you are very SPECIAL!

cbs111 said...

It takes a real winner to outrun themselves. I think you should be proud.

Stacie's Madness said...

yep and this is why I don't run...although maybe I should cause I'd scare myself too...and therefore run quicker = more exercise...
hmmm.

yeah. no. Not gonna run.

Anonymous said...

We have got to be running soul sisters!!!! When I started running back in 2010, I had to do it before work at 5am in the DARK. Clearly I am completely ignorant when it comes to light and shadow properties too b/c I reacted the same way before I realized it was possible for a person to have more than one shadow. Peter Pan is a liar!!!