August 26, 2010

Thanks For Ruining The 3yr old's Birthday, Wal-Mart Greeter

I took Asher with me to pick up his birthday cupcakes and the gift from us. I set him up on a bike to ride around and terrorize people while I snuck the scooter into an empty box nearby. 

Two things are of note so far - #1. There just happened to be an empty, nondescript box that was the perfect size to hide the scooter in and that's just the kind of good luck that usually evades me. And #2. I learned that Asher really does know how to ride a bike, when did that happen?

So we finish up our shopping - which included opening each and every one of the birthday cards that made a sound. 

I'd like to take this moment to say something to the person/company who thought of these things. Thanks a fucking lot, asshole! You managed to take the ONE thing that kids get for birthdays that wasn't loud and obnoxious and you make it uber-annoying. And for the pleasure of exposure to this, you charge $6. Fabulous idea!

He ignored the box - never even asked what it was. At the checkout line the cashier came over and scanned the scooter without showing Asher what was inside and we're on our way out. Score! 

Or so I thought.

The WalMart Greeter gives me the eye. You know, the look that says they think you're trying to smuggle out a flat screen? She asks if that's just an empty box and starts reaching for it. So I whisper for her not to open it because it was angled down right toward Asher. I pull out the receipt to show her I paid for it and she's still reaching. I'm begging her not to open it and the fucking bitch opens up the fucking box and Asher sees the scooter inside. That's about as close as I've ever come to causing serious bodily harm to a perfect stranger in public, right out in the light of day. I might still go back and whack the bitch!
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