July 6, 2010

Stolen Thunder

Okay, in the spirit of not blogging about The Bachelorette, here's what went down last night.

Setting: Beautiful Portugal

Characters: Ali and her gnarly, knotty, chemically blonde hair, that's in a constant state of falling out of the bobby-pins therefore driving me crazy. 

Roberto AKA Latin Luva, I think you're safe as long as you don't tell Ali that you're too beautiful for her. Her self esteem is fragile. And by the way, that insecurity will continue to be an issue so prepare.

Kirk and Ty, I just don't have much to say about you two except... nope, nothing.

Frank, Insecure Frank.

Spectator Commentary:

Hey Ali, way to play up his Chris's manly-ness by taking over the driving. Not something men like, just a useful tidbit of info for the future.  Also, I asked you nicely once, stop laughing. Next time I will have to be more persuasive in my requests. You remember the horse head scene in The Godfather, right? I'm capable.

Sorry, Chris, here's the Can You Handle A Situation Which Makes You Look Silly date.

Gawd, Ali, book a photographer to capture you mid-air. Ham!

Hey thanks, Chris States The Obvious During Every Rose Ceremony, I was having a hard time subtracting the roses from the number of men!

Ali, don't make me add "don't make the pouty face" to the list of stuff things you are forbidden to do.

And now for what everyone will be talking about - Jake and Vienna are splitsville. 

Whaaaa? No way! 

Oh, way! Like we didn't see that one coming. 

In a nutshell Jake acted exactly like the asshole Vienna told us we was. Vienna acted exactly like the eviscerating bitch Jake told us she was. Still, I'm on Vienna's side. Because Jake's a douchebag. And Chris Harrison... don't get me started on Chris Harrison. Does anyone else think he and Jake have kissed? Seems obvious to me.

The best part about the Jake/Vienna portion of the show? Vienna stole Ali's thunder again! Day-um, that stings, doesn't it, Ali? *snicker*


Audreya said...

Came over from Mama Kat's. Great post! Yeah, the mid-air photography. Oh my. At least wear a skirt that covers your hoo-ha if you're going to be jumping through the air. And I agree that Chris Harrison and Jake would make a great couple. :-) Or Jake and the Weatherman.

Meagan said...

I am a new follower. I posted about jake and vienna saga too and linked up on mama kat's page like you. I will read your blog regarding this in more depth later. Thanks!

Fearless_Fabulous_Gayle said...

OMG, I am so on Vienna's side too! I used to be into Jake....thought he was sweet, dreamy, sensitive cause he cried (although that was LAME), blah, blah, blah....But after last night I was appalled. I couldn't believe how he acted. WOW! I could tell just by listening to him that he would be a PILL to live with for any length of time. For one simple reason...when he said he had broken out the tape-measure to make sure the furniture would fit and she "undermined" him by SAYING maybe they should turn it a different way!!! OMG, OMG, OMG!
And Chris Harrison, YEP, he was totally taking sides with Jake and being quite rude himself.
Great Post!!

Connie said...

Bachelorette is boring me to tears! I think I really, really miss Krazy Kasey.

I also didn't need to watch the showdown of Jake and Vienna. I didn't like her then and I don't like her now. I hope to never see either of them again.

Did you hear...now Jillian and Ed have broken up too.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

I think it is so funny that it makes "news" when these couples break up - like they were real couples to begin with. They were thrown together and given $$ to pretend to be in "love" for the cameras.
I saw the funniest thing on The Tonight Show, Jay did a thing about how he wished the Bachlorette would end: (I guess they were riding a scooter of some sort) He showed Ali & some guy riding a scooter (with her giggling uncontrolably) and then running into a car and exploding.

Ordie O. said...

Vienna. Pronounced,"Vy-enny" in Arkansas. Just saying.