July 6, 2010

Stolen Thunder

Okay, in the spirit of not blogging about The Bachelorette, here's what went down last night.

Setting: Beautiful Portugal

Characters: Ali and her gnarly, knotty, chemically blonde hair, that's in a constant state of falling out of the bobby-pins therefore driving me crazy. 

Roberto AKA Latin Luva, I think you're safe as long as you don't tell Ali that you're too beautiful for her. Her self esteem is fragile. And by the way, that insecurity will continue to be an issue so prepare.

Kirk and Ty, I just don't have much to say about you two except... nope, nothing.

Frank, Insecure Frank.

Spectator Commentary:

Hey Ali, way to play up his Chris's manly-ness by taking over the driving. Not something men like, just a useful tidbit of info for the future.  Also, I asked you nicely once, stop laughing. Next time I will have to be more persuasive in my requests. You remember the horse head scene in The Godfather, right? I'm capable.

Sorry, Chris, here's the Can You Handle A Situation Which Makes You Look Silly date.

Gawd, Ali, book a photographer to capture you mid-air. Ham!

Hey thanks, Chris States The Obvious During Every Rose Ceremony, I was having a hard time subtracting the roses from the number of men!

Ali, don't make me add "don't make the pouty face" to the list of stuff things you are forbidden to do.

And now for what everyone will be talking about - Jake and Vienna are splitsville. 

Whaaaa? No way! 

Oh, way! Like we didn't see that one coming. 

In a nutshell Jake acted exactly like the asshole Vienna told us we was. Vienna acted exactly like the eviscerating bitch Jake told us she was. Still, I'm on Vienna's side. Because Jake's a douchebag. And Chris Harrison... don't get me started on Chris Harrison. Does anyone else think he and Jake have kissed? Seems obvious to me.

The best part about the Jake/Vienna portion of the show? Vienna stole Ali's thunder again! Day-um, that stings, doesn't it, Ali? *snicker*
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