July 27, 2010

My Shrink Needs A Shrink. Or A New Secretary.

Ya'll, my shrink, I say "my" shrink even though we have yet to meet despite 3 scheduled appointments, is gettin' on my damn nerves.  

I knew my crazy pills were going to run out while I was on vacation so a full month before my vacation, I call to get in to see someone. I fill out my 60 pages of intake forms and schedule my appointment for 9 days before I leave for Arkansas.

The day before that appointment; 



I know we scheduled you for tomorrow but the Dr Crazy isn't going to be in. 

Dude, I need my crazy pills.

Okay, can you come in so and so day? 4 days before I leave for vacation.

I'll make it work.

The morning of that appointment;


Dr Crazy's Office.

I just wanted to confirm my appointment for this afternoon.

Yes, we have you down. See you then.

Two hours later;



I know you just confirmed your appointment for this afternoon but Dr Crazy isn't going to be in.

Dude, I'm serious, I. need. my. crazy. pills.

Let me see what I can do, I'll call you back.

*I call my mom to freak out on her about it and she basically says Don't you dare come down here without your crazy pills. I'm serious. Don't do it.*


Okay, we'll call you in some crazy pills and reschedule for when you come back. How's Aug 16?

Great, thanks, I'll make it work.

Yesterday on my voicemail;

This is Dr Crazy's office calling to confirm your appointment for Monday, July 26. See you then!

*Pulls some hair out* Oh My God, what the holy sam fuck is wrong with you people! Are you fucking serious? I'm crazy, you are making me crazier, are you doing this on purpose? Did you read my intake forms? Am I being Punk'd? Is Dr Crazy crazy, does he need his very own shrink? Fuuuuuuuuck!

Like, seriously, what could possibly be a reasonable explanation for this nonsense? Even I, as a crazy person, know that you do not screw with crazy people like that unless you want to watch someone come undone.


Sandra said...

Is it wrong that I laughed? It's wrong, isn't it? But you need your crazy pills, and not getting them can surely only make you crazier, and I get this because I take sedatives...well, they are really pills for restless leg syndrom but they make me all loopy and I love them, so I can get even loopier when I know I'm down to my last 2 and my doc is like, "No,I can issue anymore because I think you've become a pusher." No doc, nto a pusher. An addict. Get it right!
Well, good luck with Dr. Crazy's secretary or lackthereof. I must say, you needing your crazy pills probably adds to your charm!

Teisha said...

I suspect Dr. Crazy took all the happy pills for himself and is dancing around with unicorns in flower filled meadows under rainbow filled skies. Asshat.

Kirby said...

Umm yea sounds like your shrink has got some issues, but on the upside of all this they cant be paid if they dont see you! So your helping them not make any money for that day! (Not by choice, I know!)

Kirby said...

Umm yea sounds like your shrink has got some issues, but on the upside of all this they cant be paid if they dont see you! So your helping them not make any money for that day! (Not by choice, I know!)

Ashley said...

ha, I think you should probably find a new doctor! :)

Unknown said...

I'd be finding a new Dr Crazy

ummmhello said...

Oh my Lord they just don't GET it! Hope it works out soon - for their sake! :)

Alexandra said...

I'm sorry to laugh,but "dude, you do not screw with a crazy person" is too wonderful.

THis is so very good.

SOrry about all the craziness with Dr Crazy, I don't get it.

Em said...

Oh my! That sounds exactly like my back & forth recently with the Social Security office. I get letters in the mail saying one thing..I call, they say disregard then I get another letter saying I didn't comply so I call again then I get a new letter so I call again, they say disregard again and I get a you-did-not-comply letter again and so on and so on! I think they are trying to make me crazy and then I (cuz its for my son) will be the one on social security!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

I don't mean to laugh at you, but I can understand... I take lots of crazy pills and pain pills.
I called my PRIMARY care doctor - you know, the one who is supposed to take care of all your regular stuff and be the "gate keeper" for you to see and do everything else to get my pain meds. The Rx has to be picked up at the MDs office and taken to the pharmacy to be filled because it is a narcotic. I was told my MD was away until the 19th - this was on the 7th - TWELVE days away and he had NO ONE covering for him. What was I told to do? Go to a walk in or an ER... RIGHT, like they are going to give me NARCOTICS!!
I hate doctors!!
Yesterday I picked up two prescriptions at a cost of $509.05... looks like Obamacare is really working.

Unknown said...

Ah...physicians and the lack of decent clinic help! I worked for a pain management physician for 2 years...it was enough to drive a person to need "crazy pills" just working in that environment. But seriously - the right person in the clinic can make a lot of that happen less frequently. Just takes good office help.

Therein lies the problem. Doctors like THEIR paychecks big...so their staff has little paychecks...little money - poor quality work and poor quality employees...thus schedule conflicts..refills not called in...etc...etc...etc.

Ordie O. said...

Get a new doctor. I mean it. And Lori, go to the ER in Mena. We give everybody narcotics.