July 27, 2010

My Shrink Needs A Shrink. Or A New Secretary.

Ya'll, my shrink, I say "my" shrink even though we have yet to meet despite 3 scheduled appointments, is gettin' on my damn nerves.  

I knew my crazy pills were going to run out while I was on vacation so a full month before my vacation, I call to get in to see someone. I fill out my 60 pages of intake forms and schedule my appointment for 9 days before I leave for Arkansas.

The day before that appointment; 



I know we scheduled you for tomorrow but the Dr Crazy isn't going to be in. 

Dude, I need my crazy pills.

Okay, can you come in so and so day? 4 days before I leave for vacation.

I'll make it work.

The morning of that appointment;


Dr Crazy's Office.

I just wanted to confirm my appointment for this afternoon.

Yes, we have you down. See you then.

Two hours later;



I know you just confirmed your appointment for this afternoon but Dr Crazy isn't going to be in.

Dude, I'm serious, I. need. my. crazy. pills.

Let me see what I can do, I'll call you back.

*I call my mom to freak out on her about it and she basically says Don't you dare come down here without your crazy pills. I'm serious. Don't do it.*


Okay, we'll call you in some crazy pills and reschedule for when you come back. How's Aug 16?

Great, thanks, I'll make it work.

Yesterday on my voicemail;

This is Dr Crazy's office calling to confirm your appointment for Monday, July 26. See you then!

*Pulls some hair out* Oh My God, what the holy sam fuck is wrong with you people! Are you fucking serious? I'm crazy, you are making me crazier, are you doing this on purpose? Did you read my intake forms? Am I being Punk'd? Is Dr Crazy crazy, does he need his very own shrink? Fuuuuuuuuck!

Like, seriously, what could possibly be a reasonable explanation for this nonsense? Even I, as a crazy person, know that you do not screw with crazy people like that unless you want to watch someone come undone.
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