July 10, 2010

How (or how not) To Plan A Birthday Party

3 weeks before birthday
Choose date. 
Choose guest list. 

*no need to buy the decorations this early*

2 weeks before party
Send out emails to parents of kids from Aidan's class (because I hate calling people) to invite them to party.

*notice no shopping for party decor*

1 week before party
Freak out/internally rage that people aren't returning my fucking emails and RSVPing for party. Label them inconsiderate assholes. 
Grudgingly start calling inconsiderate assholes. Almost no one answers. Leave rambling messages.

*notice still no shopping for party decor*

3 days before party
Kinda hope inconsiderate assholes don't decide to come so I don't have to pretend they're not inconsiderate assholes during party.

*still no shopping for party decor*

Night before party
Desperately search for soccer party decorations. Find that there are no soccer party decorations in the state of Iowa. Decide "Fuck this, there's plenty of Transformers shit..." Call Aidan at home, make it seem like his idea to change from soccer to Transformers. Score! Bakery is closed but by some miracle of God, get ahold of someone, change the cake to Transformers. Score! Buy all the Transformers shit in existence including a Transformers pinata because I am absolutely fantastic like that.

*It's 1am. Probably not the best idea to hold party on less than average
sleep considering the kind of bitch I am on plenty of sleep. Just a thought.*


Rathi said...

Hahahaha.... enjoyed reading this.... Some miracles of God are just better not understood... isn't it!!

Michelle said...

That's about how I through parties. We've talked about not liking calling people. I put my email on my kid's invitations but every single person called me. I am just happy if they RSVP. Why is it so stinking hard? I always RSVP!!!!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

Thanks for the laugh. But if you are a bitch at the party, blame it on those inconsiderat assholes that do show up unannounced at the party with some cheap ass gift.
Hope Aidan has a wonderful birthday and enjoys his party!
You ARE an awesome mom!!

Crazy Brunette said...

HAHA! You are by far one of my FAVORITE bitches EVER!!!!

I never do ANYTHING over the phone! I don't want to socialize with those 'mini-van mom' sluts ANYMORE than I absolutely HAVE to!!!

Good luck with having 15 crazy asshole kids ransacking your home!!! Oh, I mean... good luck with your party!!!!

Heart you hooker!

Anonymous said...

ROFL :) you're awesome!!! Hope the party was fun and Happy B-day to Aidan, hope he is having the best time :)