You know about the inappropriate amount of rage I carry towards flies, right? I now have a new enemy. Birds. This all my neighbor's fault. They saw me go over to her house, where she told me about her war with them under her deck. Now, in retaliation, the bastards have turned their attention to me and my house. The little sons-a-bitches are trying to build a nest under our front porch. They suck at it because all they actually manage to do is drop mud, grass, twigs, and their weight in shit onto the top step.
Go back underneath the neighbor's deck!