February 2, 2010

Dear Brangelina

Dear Brangelina,

Yes, it's me. Writing an open letter to you. You, who it's possible I perhaps have, in the past, used the words homewrecker, slutbag, and tool to describe. You see, I think Jennifer Aniston is bomb diggety and it really pissed me off the way she got screwed by the two of you. Then I said to myself, "Self," I said, "Jenny - I call her Jenny in my head cuz we're that close! - was always too good for The Pitt. They did her a favor really. So yay, Brangelina!" Eventually I had to say to myself, "Self," I said, "Angie - I call you Angie in my head cuz if you can call a girl a slutbag you can certainly shorten her first name, right? - hasn't fallen back into cutting herself and wearing blood yet, maybe it's for reals?" And finally I said to myself, "Self," I said, "you're an idiot you. do. not. know. these. people. Get a life." That worked for a while but now all these rumors about you two breaking up are flying around like crazy and The Enquirer claims Jenny said she'd take The Pitt back and I'm all "Nooooooo!" And the truth is, it would be kind sad if it were true. I mean, obviously you have a bit of a Duggar syndrome so your litter of children would be pretty torn up but beyond that, I kinda think maybe, just maybe, you two are good together. So while I can't really take back the name calling because despite a growing acceptance of your relationship, you two did a bad thing and never even acted as if you did anything wrong. And from my spot on this high moral hill, you kinda suck for that.

Love,
Random Person You Don't Even Know Exists

9 comments:

Kritta22 said...

LOL I saw the picture but didn't have a second to read it....Connor was headed for the M&M's! But I agree with you.

By the way, where the piss have you been? You avoiding me now so you don't have to say how cute my newborn is?? I see how it is. Whatever...I'm sending you pics anyway.

@eloh said...

I don't "follow" any of the stars... but all this has kept my ears perked up.

Where there is smoke there is fire.. I think 6 kids and counting was just a passing fad for old Brad...

If Jen takes him back I'll be very disappointed... I give her much more credit than that... I just worry that she has somehow convinced herself that Brad is her one and only.

Cassie said...

Ain't that just like a man. (And by man, I mean dirty slimeball from Hollywood who I wouldn't give the time of day to even if he lived next door.) Get a woman with six kids and then leave her ass for some other girl he was with years ago. Jennifer better not go back with him!

Ordie O. said...

You're so funny. I love you quite a bit.

~aj~ said...

Lovin it!

And I got quite a kick out of "Duggar symdrom". I'm afraid I might have a touch of that myself. Somebody slap some sense into me before I end up with more kids than shoes!

Jessi said...

All I gotta say is if Jen takes him back, she deserves to be slapped. I think Jen is the bomb-diggity too but she should be slapped if she takes him back!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

LOVE it!! What a great letter and I totally agree!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

You have put into words exactly how I feel! Cannot stand that bitch because of what she did to Jennifer. And if "Brangilina" [and when the HECK did everyone become one name, and what's with the phrase "baby daddy" - can't STAND that one, can't we just say "the father of my child"; sorry, I digress] does break up, I feel really bad for all those kids.
"Duggar syndrom" - now there is another freaky family - ENOUGH ALREADY!!! They know what causes that, ya know!!!

Messy Mommy said...

Couldn't have said it better myself!