February 10, 2010

ALWAYS and NEVER because you WILL

Here's a thought; Even if you have no plans to leave the comfort and safety of your vehicle during your excursion to take a kid to school, ALWAYS wear a bra and NEVER wear slippers because the universe will not pass up an opportunity to screw with you and you WILL find yourself shuffling into a gas station, arms folded over your braless boobs to get your $7 back.

You want to know the story behind this, don't you, you sick bastards? That's good because I'm dying to tell it.

Why not, really? Why not wear slippers and no bra? I'm just swinging through the drop off lane and going straight home. No one will ever know! So I took the chance. On the way home I decided the Mr's truck was filthy so I was gonna quickly run though a car wash and rack up some Best Wife Ever points.

Car Wash #1 - After I pulled in the wrong way and had to pull up and back up 16 times to get in position to reach the keypad, Temporarily Closed. Awesome.

 Car Wash #2 - Tweaks out, takes my money, keeps asking for more. The impatient jackass behind me was making faces so I wave for him to back up so I can back up and tell him it's not working. He backs up, I back up, he pulls up and into the bay of car wash that I JUST PAID FOR and gets his damn car washed.

I'm like No you fucking did not! So I pull around to the exit to wait for the asshole to give me my damn money because surely he doesn't think he's just gonna pull that kind of bullshit with me RIGHT THERE!?!?

Clearly he did because he avoided eye contact and scurried by me like the little cockroach he is. ASSHOLE!

And that's when I realized my braless, slipper wearing ass was going to have to go inside the gas station. So I did. And they told me to go around and go into another part of the store to talk to someone else because OF COURSE just going into one public place wasn't enough for the universe. 

So I went into the second place and told my tale of woe while trying to pretend I wasn't wearing slippers and no bra. I don't think I fooled anyone but they gave me new code and out I shuffled, braless boobs in hand.
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