January 31, 2010

This Post Reads Like A Schizophrenic's Train Of Thought

How do you know when your health insurance has run out from an old employer and the insurance from the new employer hasn't yet kicked in? Kid gets an earache. I couldn't make this shit up... last night at 12:15am - which makes it our very last day of coverage - Asher wakes up screaming and jerking on his bright red ear. We were up all. night. long.

Aidan said he wants to try new foods. So he made a turkey and fruit snack sandwich.

Asher has on a Razorback t-shirt, no pants, and snow boots. He's awesome!

People on Facebook are irritating me. I'm gonna refrain from a massive friend deleting session until I've had some sleep.

January 27, 2010

Who Regulates This Stuff?

I'm starting to question if those Jet Alert caffeine pills are actually legal. It's like 6 cups of coffee per pill. I take 2. And I drink Mt Dew.

 Back in high school I took Mini Thins (you know, the bad kind with ephedrine that's totally illegal now?) by the handful.

Anyway, I said that to say I really don't know how I took all those. Two of these pansy-ephedrine wannabes kinda make my skin crawl.

However, I've cleaned the entire house, done dishes, completely unpacked EVERYTHING, swept, mopped, vacuumed, dyed my hair, took the dog for a walk - she doesn't do walks, made Aidan's lunch for tomorrow, emptied the trash, shoveled snow off the patio, and I'm looking longingly at the garage full of stuff the Mr would not be thrilled with me touching because I just want to put it all away and organize it.

 And this is my second post today.

It's noon.

Legal? I think that should be looked into a little further.

I Think He's Ready To Move Out Now

Aidan's first day at his new school was yesterday. He packed his lunchbox and backpack Monday at 6am. He almost jumped out of the truck at the first sight of the school building. He was almost hit by a car running across the parking lot to get inside, and apparently trying to get away from me because he's a "Kindergartener now and only babies hold their mommie's hand!".

Forward to 10 minutes later and he's clinging to me as if rabid wolves were trying to drag him away. As I sprinted for the door the new sucker teacher was holding onto him and he was bowed up and about to completely lose his shit. I could see it in his eyes. I spent the rest of the day staring at my phone because it was pretty clear I would be getting a call. At which point I was prepared to completely lose my shit because that school had every opportunity to prepare for Aidan. Every teacher who worked with him at his old school wanted to talk to the new people to make it an easy transition for Aidan. Noone from the special education department was even at the school yesterday. They brought the oldest woman I've ever even seen in to "assist" if he got unruly. Seriously? I've seen him almost take his own father down, that lady was gonna get her ass kicked if the shit hit the fan. But what do I know, I'm just his mother...


I never got a call. Apparently 20 seconds after I left he calmed down, stayed to himself for a couple more minutes and then decided he wanted to join the class. He had a fantastic rest of the day. When I picked him up he was so happy and excited. His teacher raved about him, said he was absolutely perfectly behaved all day long. I was shocked. Proud but shocked. He immediately started talking about riding the bus to school.

Whoa, hold the damn phone, boy! You're 5! Barely off the boob! And you want me to let you get onto a big vehicle where you don't wear a seatbelt, with 50 other kids you don't even know, driven by a man I don't even know, to ride to a school you've been to a grand total of twice now? And I'm not even supposed to walk you to the bus stop? Who ARE you?

He did it this morning. I walked him to the bus stop staying the predetermined distance of 10 feet behind him and not speaking to him or even looking at him in front of the other kids as directed. The bus pulled up and he got on - no kiss, no hug... I couldn't even wave to him because the windows were tinted. I just stood there on the sidewalk with my mouth hanging open. I managed to tell the driver his name and where he was supposed to get off but I was basically a nonessential person in the whole deal. Obsolete. Unneeded.

For someone who has been counting down to his 18th birthday since, oh day 3, this really kinda sucked for me.

January 24, 2010

Rich is a Relative Term

Aidan came to me with like 16 packs of gum he's collected in recent weeks. He's so proud of himself. I asked him what he was going to do with all that gum and he said "I don't even know. I just have so much gum. I'm rich of gum!"

January 21, 2010

I'm Not Dead

I only wish I was.

We're all moved in. I'm surfing the net on a legal wireless connection now which is weird cuz not reconnecting to a random neighbor's unsecured network every 6 1/2 minutes was really keeping me on my toes.

Our neighbor's horse dog shits in our yard. And I'm totally okay with it because, well, you remember... They came over to clean it up and it was all I could do not to run out and say No no, it's okay, just leave it. It's just shit! And we're not Jackasses! On a related note, I wanted to let Lexi leave Jackass Neighbors a parting gift to remember us by but the Mr quashed my plans.

Asher, at 2 1/2 years old, is finally out of a crib. So now he falls out of bed every night. The kinks in the sleeping arrangements here are not exactly ironed out yet. There is one bedroom finished in the basement and another that just needs a ceiling and carpet. Both boys will be sharing a room until we finish that 4th bedroom. You know, when we can afford it? Say 10yrs? Aidan has a loft bed but we only have the one twin mattress and the bed itself is still in approximately 73 pieces so they are sleeping in the guest bedroom upstairs. Needless to say they fight and scream for an hour before they fall asleep and then one or the other wakes up 12 times before 6am when they are up for the day. Naps are a thing of the past. I'm tired.

Aidan starts school here next Tuesday. We went to get registered and meet his teachers this week. They have a lot to live up to because Aidan compares everything and everyone to Perfect School and Ms. Perfect (I agree with this assessment, I adore his teacher). He spent the entire tour talking about how awesome his old school was and how awesome his old teacher was and how awesome the playground at the old school was and I think his new teacher might hate his old teacher already. I am very hopeful the new school will work out and I won't be biting holes through my tongue or wringing my hands to keep from cursing and physically assaulting anyone there like I did at the first school he went to

Something funny that happened while we were there - the kids in the class have been told about Aidan so they are beyond excited to meet him. One girl actually came out of the classroom as we walked by and the teacher asked her if she was supposed to be out in the hall. The little girl answered, No, but I just want to look at him some more. He's popular already!

I do have pictures of the new house. See, I know you guys pretty well, don't I? We took a lot when we looked at it and I took some of the mess as we moved in. I will post them when I have acceptable after shots. That is a long way off. Since we plan on living here a very long time, I am taking my sweet time putting things away. Also, the Mr refuses to hang pictures for a minimum of 2 weeks. Something about how I change my mind and holes in the wall or some such shit. I think if I bring up painting accent walls right now he might vomit pea soup. 

January 12, 2010

Who's On Sissy's Shit List

Time Warner Cable - Did you seriously suggest to me that we not move to avoid the termination fee? I thought so. You are a fucking idiot. You may not be the cable provider in our new city but based on our track record, we will be moving to an area that you do service within a few years. You can bet your sweet ass we will not sign up with you again. I hope that $ 25 or $100 or $70 or $80 or whatever amount you quote me next is worth it. Pricks.

Alltel Wireless - Again with the termination fees. So because your company doesn't provide service in the area we're moving to, I have to pay $400 to cancel? After our last conversation mere minutes ago, I can't even write about it right now. I think I need to go hit something.

Our mailman - Ya know what, jackass? There is snow everywhere. Around everyone's mailbox. If you leave me one more note telling me to remove the snow I'm gonna put a pipe bomb in the damn mailbox and see how that clears out the snow for ya.

Dreamshades.com - Yeah, I placed my order on Dec 26 and still I don't even have a "Your order has shipped" email from you. I can imagine what the ordeal will be like to get you to change the shipping address seeing as I still have never spoke to a real live person and only receive generic emails that don't ever answer my questions. So I hope whoever moves into this house enjoys my damn glasses. If they ever get here.

New addition to Shit List - People who were supposed to look at the house at 4:30pm today. - Do you know how long it took and how hard it was to get this place spotless with a preschooler and house full of moving boxes? And then you just don't show up? Are you fucking kidding me? You suck!

January 10, 2010

First Resolution Broken

This one: "I will not get into Twitter fights with ignorant, heartless, arrogant bitches. I'm sure they're going through their own shit and even if I hope nothing ever turns out right for them ever again, I will not say so on Twitter. Note: this resolution does not apply to my blog."

I wish I could say I was more disappointed in myself. Oh, well.

January 9, 2010

More Facebook Status Updates From 2009

I love it when Matt takes Aidan to the store and comes back with his ass in Aidan's backpack. Now go with both of them, hero.

"Mama, will dog treats makes Asher sick?"
"Uh oh"

"I'd like to beat your ass!" says my 5yr old to his Daddy. Can you say ass whoopin'?

Aidan and Asher just about fought to the death over the last piece of corn on the cob. It was like UFC right in my kitchen.

I'll be damned if Aidan didn't do excellent at the dr this am! Unless you count kicking the shit out of a nurse during the TB test.

"Firstaball, Mama, I need a toaster for to make some-a peanut butter samwich" - Aidan

January 5, 2010


That's right folks, I'm outta here. For awhile. Okay 4 days to start with. I'm sending my laptop to get all cleaned up and adding new anti-virus and spy-ware software. It's clear we're not buying a new laptop this year, so this one is going to have to last. I think the 12G of photos stored on here might be part of her sluggishness. I will be using those 4 days to pack up this house because we are moving in like 11 days. We hope. Could be a week longer than that. Either way, I've got a lot to do. So I'm sscheduling a few of posts while I'm gone to keep you fiends from a bad jonesin'. I love my Comment Whores!

I'll see ya'll soon!

January 1, 2010

Fill My Google Reader

I've got to be honest, my Google Reader is full of shit. Okay, not "shit" per say but blogs I've read a long time that I really don't read anymore. I log on, read a couple posts, and find myself hitting Mark As Read a lot. I have a few blogs that come directly to my email and I've even pared those down lately. I've found that there are some bloggers that I love but I almost never read their blogs. And on the flip side of that - there are blogs I simply love but probably could not stand to be in the same room as the writer. Does that make sense to anyone but me? Maybe my taste for content has changed and maybe, MAYBE, some blogs just started sucking. I'm certain some people feel the same about Martians. Trust me, I watch those stats like a hawk. You delete me from a reader or cancel your email subscription, I know it. Anyway, back on track, I'm ready for some new stuff. So tell me who's in your reader, who comes to your inbox, who are you reading that I should be reading?

If you read Martians and pay even a tiny bit of attention you'll know what I'm bound to like and not like but let me go ahead and set up some guidelines. I like funny, sarcastic, sassy, possibly a little mean even. I like drama. I don't really want to be in the drama but a front row seat suits me just fine. I like crazy. Like for real. Real women who fight depression and anxiety and the urge to tie their kids up, those are people I can relate to. And men! I want to read some superbly funny male bloggers. Nothing is scared to men and that makes for funny. I don't read exclusively dieting blogs or exclusively book blogs or exclusively review blogs or exclusively celeb watching blogs. Photography blogs are okay as long as there is some witty content between the photos and travel blogs will work if it they involve some sort of snark.

So there it is, find me some bloggers who are funny, sarcastic, mean, crazy, or mentally ill. And anyone who will make a complete ass of themselves on YouTube. Bring it on!