December 29, 2009

Things I Will Probably Fail At In 2010

Who's thinking about their New Years Resolutions on Christmas Eve? You guessed it, I am was. It's now days later that I'm actually finishing this post.

You might as well expect my usual resolutions - Keep Aidan out of juvie, don't let Asher eat inanimate objects that will not pass without medical intervention, and as usual - reduce the size of my ass.

I will not get into Twitter fights with ignorant, heartless, arrogant bitches. I'm sure they're going through their own shit and even if I hope nothing ever turns out right for them ever again, I will not say so on Twitter. Note: this resolution does not apply to my blog.

I will stop badgering my husband to trade in his truck and buy me a new Acadia leaving him to drive my truck. Even if it means moving my seat up every single time we get in or out of the thing to let the kids out of the back seat. Even if it means not letting anyone ride in the passenger side when it's cold because frigid air rushes through some invisible hole in the door. Even if it means never drinking a pop or God forbid, hot chocolate while driving because there are essentially NO shocks left on the thing. Even if it means... Ya know what? Scratch that, I want a new car! If I don't get it by Summer, then I'll stop. It can be more of a Half-Year Resolution.

I will try and I have to say try because this will be very difficult for me to complete a load of laundry from hamper to put away in a timely manner. One load can take upwards of 5 days. Here's why. When I finally put the clothes in the washer, I almost always have to rewash at least once sometimes 3 times because I've left them in long enough to stink the wet stink. Then, when they get in the dryer I very often will leave them there for 2 or 3 days before I move them from the dryer to the dining room table. Then they sit there for a day or so before I start folding them. At least a day on the table folded and that means by the time we wear them again it goes something like this... I will try to cut that down to 2 days max from hamper to put away. And maybe I'll iron the Mr's shirts and pants only when necessary. If I can figure out how to work the iron. Shut up, he knew what he was getting into before he married me.

I will not seek out voodoo dolls and witch doctors to perform hexes on CitiMortgage anymore. It's a fruitless search anyway.

I will stop buying Aidan a toy at every store we go to, every single time we go. It's Asher's year. Kidding. Kinda. But they have the entire basement full of toys. FULL. I could take 3/4 of them and they wouldn't even notice. And even if they did, they think a gnome comes and cleans their playroom. That way I don't get blamed when and if they do notice something missing. Now that's creative parenting.

What are your New Year's Resolutions? And if you don't make New Year's Resolutions because it's an arbitrary date to make positive changes in life and most people don't stick to them and you are already perfect, no need to let me know that cuz I did not make a resolution not to call out arrogance and stick-up-your-ass-ness here on the blog.
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