December 13, 2009

My New Fave Trash TV

Have you seen this show, Million Dollar Listing on Bravo? If you haven't, you are missing some serious blog fodder! It centers around 3 real estate agents in the LA/Southern CA area and all their baggage and escapades. It's most definately trash TV, according to the Mr - although this opinion is always given while he sits next to me watching it, I might add - but it's pure bliss! My sister had several episodes DVR'd when we went to visit in November and I haven't been the same since.

There are three "pretty boys" - Chad, Josh, and Madison. According to his Twitter page and every quote he utters, Chad is the "star" but whatever. We'll deal with my Chad-rage in just a sec. They're all 3 melodramatic, extravagant, attention whores but I'm a blogger so except for the extravagant part, we're probably more alike than I'd like to think.

Obviously I wouldn't be blogging about them if I didn't have some opinions so I'll get down to the nitty gritty in personal letters to each of them. This is gonna be fun!

Dear Chad,

Please don't ever use the self-coined term, Chaderize, again. I might vomit. Also, if Josh doesn't throw that little rat you call a dog into a pool, I'd love to get a piece of that action. You're a douche bag simply because you post Twitter updates for that dog. And if that didn't make you a douche, your constant fiddling with and looking at your hair in the mirror makes you one. Oh, and then there's asking your girlfriend to sign a contract giving you 50% custody of the dog should you ever break up... oh ya know what, fuck it, everything you do makes you a douche. Picture my finger in the shape of an L on my forehead now.

Dear Josh,
Listen up Cutie-patootie, if you aren't the most adorable thing spending all that time with your Grandma and writing a book about her. I could just eat you up! My heart was yours when you asked The Tool Chad if his rat dog could swim but then you broke it when you didn't find out for sure. The Mr would like me to ask you if you have a razor. Mr Military takes issue with your scruff. I tried to take your side and point out that you have the short military hair but he says the scruff is too distracting for him to properly consider the appropriateness of the hair. I'm just the messenger.

Dear Madison,
You, my polyamorous friend, almost made me choke to death on a Cheeto carrot stick. The looks you give when your clients do and say dumb shit crack me up! And those teeth! They are some perfect, white teeth. Tell the truth, they're veneers, aren't they? I'm not hatin', I've got veneers myself, I'm just sayin'. Beyond that, I don't have much else. I'm way too busy hating on Chad and blubbering over Josh to form strong opinions about you. Maybe I'll either love or hate you next season. There IS going to be a next season, right? Make it happen!
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