December 31, 2009

A Forgotten Gem

I was doing the MY YEAR IN STATUS ON FACEBOOK application and came across this oh so very me.

Amanda is... Welcome back to Arkansas, Amanda - a tornado destroyed your home town. Thank God only my moms house was damaged, everyone we know is safe. Mother Nature

Facebook Mobile limits characters so it automatically continued as a new update

Amanda is... kind of a bitch!

Then, hours later when I got to a computer and saw what I had done

Amanda is... Facebook Mobile punked me! I wrote Mother Nature is a bitch, not me!

December 30, 2009

It's Possible - Although Not Likely - That I Overreacted. Possibly!

Yes, I have pulled my rant - and I do mean a vile filled rant - on even though I was really proud of it. I got an email from someone with the word "dreamshades" in their email address, and it seems it's possible I might actually get these someday.
I still have a little twinge of a feeling that I will not. However, look for a retooled version to come out in any case because I'm still livid at the customer service. I'm angry that I spent all that time worried sick that I had lost all that money, that I had been scammed, that somewhere in New York City someone was laughing their ass off at me. Yes, I'm aware they most certainly are laughing at me now but if they're laughing because I reacted like a crazy person over nothing, fine by me. But laughing at me because I'm reacting like a crazy person over getting scammed while spending my money, not okay by me.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

December 29, 2009

Me and Are Gonna Brawl

I really think myself pretty internet savvy. I've never once fallen for the fake Facebook or MySpace login page, I know which security seals to look for, I've never once been scammed online... 

Well Merry Fucking Christmas to me! Yeah, that honor goes to I've wanted a new pair of eyeglasses for months. I spotted an amazing pair for an obscene amount at my eye doctor's office. So I started searching online for the best price. I found a better price than at but the site was shady and I wasn't about to go punching in my credit card number like an idiot. I researched like crazy. I found pages of good reviews like this one where they even responded to the few negative reviews and this one full of good reviews. I didn't find any complaints lodged against them. I looked them up on Google and there's a store with phone number, address, and map, a post on looked good, lists them as sellers... the list goes on and on. I felt absolutely comfortable ordering from them.

So I used every red cent of my Christmas money and possibly a little of my husband's Christmas money and placed my order the day after Christmas. As soon as I hit send I realized I didn't get a chance to put in my prescription or my eye doctor information so I sent a quick email to both email addresses I could find - and - asking how to get them the info. Their business hours are Mon through Fri 9am to 5pm so I didn't expect to hear anything back until yesterday. Yesterday morning I started calling (888-820-8304). You get an automated sounding system saying Thank you for calling, please hold blah blah and then 5 seconds of holding and you get We're sorry, we can't answer your call right now, please leave name and phone number blah blah blah. I called them 56 times yesterday. I left 8 messages. I sent 6 emails. After business hours their phone prompt changes to Please call back between the hours blah blah blah. I've called 18 times today. Once I got distracted and didn't hang up immediately and the voice prompt starts telling me to press 3 to send, press 4 to send as urgent, etc... like a cell phone does! If I wasn't positive I got scammed before, the fact that I've been calling a damn cell phone for 24 hours kinda sealed the deal for me. $231 GONE. Just gone.

In between shooting off scathing emails and relentless calling yesterday, I did some more research. And I found this. At which point I freaked out and called my bank to see if I could cancel the transaction since it was still pending. No dice. We canceled my debit card so they can't steal the other $30 we've got left. Fuckers.

I know criminals are pretty inventive and if they used their brains for anything other than scamming people they could be useful members of society. It seems has gone to some insane lengths to appear legit. The automated phone answering system, the site looks awesome, good reviews around the net, I got a legit-looking email receipt, even my bank said it doesn't look like the fakes they've seen. But the whole ignoring all attempts to contact them kinda negates all the rest.

Now here's the thing. I am the wrong person to cross. I will hold a grudge like not many people can and I do not give up on exacting revenge easily. One of's responses to a negative review mentioned that the customer called screaming at the staff like a crazy person. They have no perception of crazy. But they soon will. Since I'm pretty sure it's a cell phone I've started texting them as well. I'm going to join every online business rating site I can find and rip them a new asshole all over the internet. Between Facebook, Twitter, and the blog they are gonna wish they'd have never taken my money.

If by some miracle of God it turns out they just didn't get 15 emails and 10 messages and accidentally deposited my money into their bank account without first shipping my glasses that they magically made with my prescription without actually getting my prescription, which will happen as soon as I hit publish according to the way things go for me I'll be glad to say my bad, I take it all back, sorry for the crazy emails, messages, and texts, nasty Twitter and blog posts about your company but your customer service SUCKS! The very least you could have done was send an email to the effect of Ok, Crazy Lady, we got your messages, we'll get to you, don't have a stroke. That, I could respect. Shady, thieving, scamming, lying, and taking my Christmas present and money, not so much. What else am I supposed to do? I'm just sick. And pissed. So pissed that I've cried about it, which pisses me off even more.

So the moral here is don't use Better to give your money to someone you know will use it to buy crack to smoke. Just sayin'.

UPDATE: I just got an email from them From a completely different email address simply saying
Dear Amanda,
Thank you very much for you order. Unfortunately we cannot proceed with your order because we have not received your prescription information.
Please scan and reply to this email or simply fax it to the fax number below.
Best Regards, Order Processing Team
Phone: (888) 820-8304
Fax: (866) 845-0233

Um, duh!!! and are ya kidding me? What the hell is wrong with you people? Best regards? My best regards haven't even begun, son! I'm not convinced I'll ever see my glasses or my money again. We shall see.

Please read the rest of my posts about by clicking on the link on the sidebar. While is a legit company and I did receive my glasses in the end, there is much, much more to this story.

Things I Will Probably Fail At In 2010

Who's thinking about their New Years Resolutions on Christmas Eve? You guessed it, I am was. It's now days later that I'm actually finishing this post.

You might as well expect my usual resolutions - Keep Aidan out of juvie, don't let Asher eat inanimate objects that will not pass without medical intervention, and as usual - reduce the size of my ass.

I will not get into Twitter fights with ignorant, heartless, arrogant bitches. I'm sure they're going through their own shit and even if I hope nothing ever turns out right for them ever again, I will not say so on Twitter. Note: this resolution does not apply to my blog.

I will stop badgering my husband to trade in his truck and buy me a new Acadia leaving him to drive my truck. Even if it means moving my seat up every single time we get in or out of the thing to let the kids out of the back seat. Even if it means not letting anyone ride in the passenger side when it's cold because frigid air rushes through some invisible hole in the door. Even if it means never drinking a pop or God forbid, hot chocolate while driving because there are essentially NO shocks left on the thing. Even if it means... Ya know what? Scratch that, I want a new car! If I don't get it by Summer, then I'll stop. It can be more of a Half-Year Resolution.

I will try and I have to say try because this will be very difficult for me to complete a load of laundry from hamper to put away in a timely manner. One load can take upwards of 5 days. Here's why. When I finally put the clothes in the washer, I almost always have to rewash at least once sometimes 3 times because I've left them in long enough to stink the wet stink. Then, when they get in the dryer I very often will leave them there for 2 or 3 days before I move them from the dryer to the dining room table. Then they sit there for a day or so before I start folding them. At least a day on the table folded and that means by the time we wear them again it goes something like this... I will try to cut that down to 2 days max from hamper to put away. And maybe I'll iron the Mr's shirts and pants only when necessary. If I can figure out how to work the iron. Shut up, he knew what he was getting into before he married me.

I will not seek out voodoo dolls and witch doctors to perform hexes on CitiMortgage anymore. It's a fruitless search anyway.

I will stop buying Aidan a toy at every store we go to, every single time we go. It's Asher's year. Kidding. Kinda. But they have the entire basement full of toys. FULL. I could take 3/4 of them and they wouldn't even notice. And even if they did, they think a gnome comes and cleans their playroom. That way I don't get blamed when and if they do notice something missing. Now that's creative parenting.

What are your New Year's Resolutions? And if you don't make New Year's Resolutions because it's an arbitrary date to make positive changes in life and most people don't stick to them and you are already perfect, no need to let me know that cuz I did not make a resolution not to call out arrogance and stick-up-your-ass-ness here on the blog.

December 28, 2009

Decoding Dreams

Here's the dream as he told it to me...

"I had this really intense, crazy dream this morning. You killed someone. You cut them up and put them into 4 garbage bags and somehow that was the end of your involvement. I had to get rid of it. People I didn't know were helping me and these other people were chasing me. We were hiding out in a orphanage, amongst the kids and it was just nerve-wracking and crazy as hell!"

Let's translate the underlying meanings here...

You killed someone - I'm married to a woman capable of anything and she scares me.

You cut them up and put them into 4 garbage bags... - I'm married to a tidy and organized lunatic and she scares me.

...and somehow that was the end of your involvement. I had to get rid of it. - I'm forever finishing shit my wife starts and cleaning up her messes.

We were hiding out in an orphanage, amongst the kids, and it was just nerve-wracking and crazy as hell. - Our kids are nerve-wracking and crazy as hell (I blame my wife for this) and both she and they scare me. I'm scared.
NOTE: The next night I dreamed I was on trial for murder. Of 3 men. And I only actually killed 2 of them. Oh, the injustice was killing me! My husband says I should analyze that dream but I fear the results would scare him even more.

December 27, 2009

Christmas Mornin'

Aidan started waking us up at 1:57am asking if it was time to open presents yet. Are you kidding me, kid?

5:12am? No

6:10am? Still not time.

6:40am I woke up out of a dead sleep and remembered where I stashed some gifts I couldn't find the night before. Apparently Aidan heard me come back up the stairs and got up. Next thing I know I hear him running up the stairs squealing as quietly as he could and run into his bedroom to bury his head in his pillow and let his excitement out. In a moment of weakness because it was kinda cute, I finally relented and we all got up. 

December 24, 2009

Santa's Got Some 'Splainin' to do....

Aidan listened to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus today for the first time ever. Or this is the first time he ever paid attention. So about mid-song he stops, curls up his lip into a perfectly disgusted sneer and says - and I quote - Santa needs to get his priorities straight!

Can 5 year olds really talk like that? I don't even know what to say. I just don't know what to say... I'm so... I....

December 23, 2009

Talk About Procrastination

Okay all ye faithful readers, gimme your best stocking stuffer ideas for your husbands and small kids. And yes, I'm aware it's Christmas Eve Eve and I don't have stocking stuffers. I don't even have sockings to tell you the truth. I can't find them. Don't judge, just give me some assistance.

December 22, 2009

Famous Potato Soup

8-10 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped
1/3 medium onion, chopped finely
1 can cream of chicken soup
8oz cream cheese, softened
3 cans (45oz) chicken broth

Mix cream of chicken soup, chicken broth, and cream cheese with wire whisk. Add potatoes and onion. Cook in crock pot on low 8-10hrs or on high 4-5hrs. Mash up some of the potatoes at the end to make soup thicker. Sprinkle cheddar cheese and bacon on top. Serve it with homemade bread and people will totally think you're an awesome cook!

December 17, 2009

Things I Just Shake My Head At

Aidan comes to me out of the blue yesterday and asks me, "Mama, how do you spell 'you are disgusting' ?" I'm afraid to find out who he's writing to...

December 15, 2009

Aidan's 1st Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

How many elves do you have. I want a Wii for Christmas!


December 13, 2009

My New Fave Trash TV

Have you seen this show, Million Dollar Listing on Bravo? If you haven't, you are missing some serious blog fodder! It centers around 3 real estate agents in the LA/Southern CA area and all their baggage and escapades. It's most definately trash TV, according to the Mr - although this opinion is always given while he sits next to me watching it, I might add - but it's pure bliss! My sister had several episodes DVR'd when we went to visit in November and I haven't been the same since.

There are three "pretty boys" - Chad, Josh, and Madison. According to his Twitter page and every quote he utters, Chad is the "star" but whatever. We'll deal with my Chad-rage in just a sec. They're all 3 melodramatic, extravagant, attention whores but I'm a blogger so except for the extravagant part, we're probably more alike than I'd like to think.

Obviously I wouldn't be blogging about them if I didn't have some opinions so I'll get down to the nitty gritty in personal letters to each of them. This is gonna be fun!

Dear Chad,

Please don't ever use the self-coined term, Chaderize, again. I might vomit. Also, if Josh doesn't throw that little rat you call a dog into a pool, I'd love to get a piece of that action. You're a douche bag simply because you post Twitter updates for that dog. And if that didn't make you a douche, your constant fiddling with and looking at your hair in the mirror makes you one. Oh, and then there's asking your girlfriend to sign a contract giving you 50% custody of the dog should you ever break up... oh ya know what, fuck it, everything you do makes you a douche. Picture my finger in the shape of an L on my forehead now.

Dear Josh,
Listen up Cutie-patootie, if you aren't the most adorable thing spending all that time with your Grandma and writing a book about her. I could just eat you up! My heart was yours when you asked The Tool Chad if his rat dog could swim but then you broke it when you didn't find out for sure. The Mr would like me to ask you if you have a razor. Mr Military takes issue with your scruff. I tried to take your side and point out that you have the short military hair but he says the scruff is too distracting for him to properly consider the appropriateness of the hair. I'm just the messenger.

Dear Madison,
You, my polyamorous friend, almost made me choke to death on a Cheeto carrot stick. The looks you give when your clients do and say dumb shit crack me up! And those teeth! They are some perfect, white teeth. Tell the truth, they're veneers, aren't they? I'm not hatin', I've got veneers myself, I'm just sayin'. Beyond that, I don't have much else. I'm way too busy hating on Chad and blubbering over Josh to form strong opinions about you. Maybe I'll either love or hate you next season. There IS going to be a next season, right? Make it happen!

December 10, 2009

This Is Why I Moderate My Comments

Comment from Anonymous:
Dear Auther! I think, That you commit error. Le'ts Discuss Write toMe in PM.

Dear Anonymous,
You think I "commit error"? Really? *shaking head while simultaneously rolling my eyes and twitching a little bit*

December 1, 2009

Is This What Brotherly Love Is All About?

Aidan, me want me cup. Go Aidan! Cup! Feese!!!

Go get it yourself, Asher, I'm busy.

Feeeees!?!? Aidan. Get. Me. Cup!!!!

Fine!!! *mumbles* you little bastard

New Moon

My official opinion of the movie... I really didn't know how to sum up my feelings for a review of the movie. Then the proverbial light bulb came on above my head. This little convo kinda sums it up.

Mr - You never told me about the movie, if you liked it or not.

Me - Eh, it was ok.

Mr - Just ok? After all that build up?

Me - Yeah, those two who play Bella and Edward irritate me so they kinda ruin it for me. That punk isn't my Edward. However, Jacob is a whole other story. He's my Jacob! I can see becoming a Cougar for that sexy th... *I stop in the middle due to the look on SB's face.*

Mr - What?

Me - *Giggling* He's just a nice looking kid that I can't take my eyes off and that takes my mind off wanting to rip Patty Boy's hair.

Mr - Oh, really?

Me - *More Giggling* Yeah. I didn't really know how I was going to review it for the blog but now I do.

Mr - Oh, so you baited me for the blog? You're an ass. Be sure to put that in your blog.


So really, the movie was good. I love the story so much. This story!Not this interpretation of it. It's true that I don't get the appeal of Patty Boy what-so-ever and he in no way, shape, form, or fashion resembles MY Edward. But maybe that's because I'm not 12. And I appreciate men who wash their hair. Having to see him as Edward makes me want to shove the dull end of a toothpick into my eyelids. A huge plus for New Moon, he's gone for most of it.

Best thing about New Moon, Edward is gone and Jacob comes onscreen and makes me just wanna lick him. As soon as he turns 18 of course, pervs.

And that brings us to Bella. Bella was my least fave character in the book but I figured they cast someone who could make me see the error of my ways and become a Bella fan. Didn't happen. I can't really put my finger on what specifically bothers me about her...hmmm...maybe I don't have enough fingers.