November 30, 2009

My Best Facebook Status Updates

Is it still gluttony if I throw up all 6000 calories I just ate?

I wanna know who gave my kids crack cuz wow, they are losing their minds! better my sister's house than mine :)

"I prefer to donate to animal charities. I just don't have much of a soft spot for my fellow man."

Dear Nickelodeon, How many days in a row are you going to play Dora Saves The Magic Crystal Kingdom. Knock it off or I'm gonna lose my mind. Thanks, Amanda.

I feel a 'fake-ass-facebook-friend' purge coming on.

"Mama, look-k-k, pank-a-but-t-t." WHACK! (slaps the hell outta me) "Foddy, Mama..." -Asher

Oh yes, delete me from your friend list, that'll surely show me the error of my ways. Fucking idiot.


Sarah Andrews said...

These are funny. I would like to borrow the fake friend purge if you don't mind.

Kritta22 said...

I remember reading all of these except the first one! LOL I love the last one.

Brenda Susan said...


adrienzgirl said...

Oh yes, de-friend me. LOVE IT!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

Too funny, I love the first one...

"But you know, it is not funny to condone bullemia. You should be ashamed of yourself.
And you shouldn't promote drug use.
Spanking a child is just wrong.
I'm taking you OFF my friend list!" Anonymous

You ROCK!!!

Anonymous said...

this is without a doubt the funniest blog I have seen! I wouldn't mind stealing the "delete me" one... xx