November 1, 2009

I Don't Want To Hear It

I don't want to hear about "prairie doggin'" or really anything that has to do with poop. Or farts. This really applies to adults. And one of my nephews. And Aidan's farts. Kid poop in general doesn't bother me but if I smell an adult's poop or fart, I am pissed off about it. If you tell me to breathe through my mouth I am likely to slap you because breathing through my mouth just means that nastiness is in my mouth instead of just in my nostrils. 

Seriously, think about it, you smell it because very very small particles of it are in the air. If they are in the air, it stands to reason they are also in your mouth or nose. Gross. The idea of a grown person (I can't even write about it) letting shit come part of the way out of their butt and sucking it back in *shudder* makes me vomit in my mouth a little. No, a lot.  If you have done this, please for the love of God, don't talk to me about it. Some things should be left unsaid and you can't unring a bell.

I don't want to hear the C word. You now which one I'm talking about. Now I'll be the first to admit I've used it. Twice. Both times to a man. For future reference, men don't like to be called that. Yet another reason I can never run for public office. The number one reason, this blog. The Mr would also like me to add that I have also ruined any future he might have had in politics. You're welcome, honey.

I don't want to hear "getting scraped" in reference to either getting a pap smear or an abortion. Even more so in reference to abortion. Must you be so crass? I realize this is the epitome of the pot calling the kettle black but this is my blog so I can both be crass and bristle at crass-ness. Without getting into my feelings on abortion, can I just say eeewww! Am I the only one who wrinkles my nose at that phrase?

So in conclusion; no mention of prairie doggin, the C word, or getting scraped. Some things should be left to white trash to discuss.

8 comments:

Diane said...

i second this! i was uncomfortable just reading it though lol.

Cristin said...

Oh yes. With the farting especially.... I have taken an anti bodily function stance... I don't want to hear about any of it.

I have a friend from Ireland... the C word doesn't have the same meaning over there and he uses it freely, sometimes as a term of endearment... still sounds wrong to me.

And the scraping... cringetastic.

Kathy said...

We don't like farticles in our air! The C word should be banned from ever being heard!

Unknown Mami said...

Eww, I had never heard the "gettin..." phrase. Yuck!

Debra said...

I do not know what "prompted" this conversation. I do find the whole idea of "prarie doggin"? interesting. While I have no desire to see, experience it, or really discuss it for that matter, I am having a difficult time imagining that this could be done. I would think you whould have to have great sphincter control, like a Yogi or something? Which then makes me question, how does one know they have this ability? Do they practice? As for the C word, well it is the one word that can lead to serious pain, at least if I hear it.
As for scraping, lets just leave that for snow on my car's windshield (which frankly I don't like to talk about either).

Anonymous said...

I don't know what prairie dogging is and I hope I never find out!

Bill and Lorie Shewbridge said...

It was my younger son at age 15 who explained to me what "prairie dogging" was - and just let me say... EEWWW! I, too, do not want to hear about it, or any other bodily function!
The "C" word is a word that I think is probably the WORST word in the entire english language. I hate it as much as I think black people hate the "N" word. It should be wiped from the vocabulary!!
As for "getting scraped", I have never heard of that, and I think whoever came up with that is just the cheapest, lowest life-form... EVER!!
You are right, left to be spoken by white trash!!

Ordie O. said...

I totally agree with you on the "c"-word and the disgusting "scraping" reference. However, being a nurse makes one a bit of a scatological connoisseur so I don't relate to that one except to say that while I rather enjoy the discussion of those matters (Hello, the title of my blog includes the word "bowel"), I don't want to smell or feel any of it. You might try an old ER nurse trick (that is to say the trick is old, not necessarily the nurse). Carry around one of those little tins of Vicks and smear some on your top lip when caught in an unavoidable smelly situation. It can make the difference between carrying on in a cheerful manner and puking.