November 1, 2009

I Don't Want To Hear It

I don't want to hear about "prairie doggin'" or really anything that has to do with poop. Or farts. This really applies to adults. And one of my nephews. And Aidan's farts. Kid poop in general doesn't bother me but if I smell an adult's poop or fart, I am pissed off about it. If you tell me to breathe through my mouth I am likely to slap you because breathing through my mouth just means that nastiness is in my mouth instead of just in my nostrils. 

Seriously, think about it, you smell it because very very small particles of it are in the air. If they are in the air, it stands to reason they are also in your mouth or nose. Gross. The idea of a grown person (I can't even write about it) letting shit come part of the way out of their butt and sucking it back in *shudder* makes me vomit in my mouth a little. No, a lot.  If you have done this, please for the love of God, don't talk to me about it. Some things should be left unsaid and you can't unring a bell.

I don't want to hear the C word. You now which one I'm talking about. Now I'll be the first to admit I've used it. Twice. Both times to a man. For future reference, men don't like to be called that. Yet another reason I can never run for public office. The number one reason, this blog. The Mr would also like me to add that I have also ruined any future he might have had in politics. You're welcome, honey.

I don't want to hear "getting scraped" in reference to either getting a pap smear or an abortion. Even more so in reference to abortion. Must you be so crass? I realize this is the epitome of the pot calling the kettle black but this is my blog so I can both be crass and bristle at crass-ness. Without getting into my feelings on abortion, can I just say eeewww! Am I the only one who wrinkles my nose at that phrase?

So in conclusion; no mention of prairie doggin, the C word, or getting scraped. Some things should be left to white trash to discuss.
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