September 12, 2009

Neighborhood Blog Fodder

We've got some neighbors. Not the Jackass Neighbors, things on that front have been pretty quiet. The neighbor I'm talking about will be referred to as Monk - you know, because of the OCD thing.

Monk has the best yard on the block. There's a method to his madness. Every Wednesday, rain or shine, Mr Monk edges his sidewalks and driveway. Every Thursday, rain or shine, Monk mows his lawn. In perfectly straight, diagonal lines. We've even seen him cutting the grass with scissors.


When he's done mowing he washes the mower and sometimes he waxes it.

Oh, yes. I'm totally serious!

Also, if it's raining, they pull the cars in the garage and towel them dry.

So today we were thinking about calling the cops because we assumed one of them was dead. See, the lawnmower was just shoved into the garage. We figured there were two explanations - either Mrs Monk killed Mr Monk and she didn't put the mower away correctly OR Mr Monk is going to kill Mrs Monk when he sees the mower sitting in there like that. Either way, something wasn't right over there.

P.S.     Currently is it midnight and I swear on my laptop, Mr Monk is out there waxing his car.

P.P.S.     We're pretty sure Mr Monk would stroke out at the site of the inside of my truck right now.


Anonymous said...

Wow, well if nothing else, they're entertaining!!

p.s. I heart Monk! :)

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Are they retired? Because they sound like retired people. Who has enough time to wash their lawnmower at all, let alone weekly?

Diane said...


Terri said...

And I thought I had some strange neighbors when it came to lawn mowers.

Willnnabel said...

I used to live across the street from Mr. Monks long lost sister. Not only had she waxed her basement floor to a shine so bright I thought the floor was "wet", but this woman got up every morning and opened the gate for her son (divorced moved back home, wonder why, duh?) at 5:00 am and locked it up after him. Every Spring she painted her house inside, no not joking (I bet the house dimensions were 2" less inside when they moved), and before she would go on a trip made dinners and froze them for her son, mind you he was 30 some odd years old.

Funny in My Mind said...

They have wax for lawnmowers?????
No really. My husband hoses his John Deere off every time but can he scrub a toilet? No.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

O.K. That is going a tiny bit too far. HaHaHa!!
In CT we had a lady across the street who was crazy like that about her lawn; she used to use scissors. In the fall she would come home on her lunch hour to pick up leaves. We used to drop our leaves on her lawn. TeeHee.

Ordie O. said...

Gotta love the midwest.

Night Owl Mama said...

HOLY CRAP do you live on my block? the guy at the end of the block is exactly the same way. Exactly!!!

One time we walked by with the kids and he actually came running out to make sure we didn't step on his grass or brush against his car. One time the baby threw his paci and it landed on his lawn I thought the guy was going to come at me with an ax cause he looked like he was pissed. Geez

MostlyFlumxdArt said...

Wait a tic! I think you must live in my neighborhood becaus neighbor is obsessed with his lawn too! He picks up minuscule (read: imaginary) things off his lawn, mows religiously, weeds, plants, edges, sacrifices virgin all for the greater good of the Perfect Lawn. Maybe we can hook the Lawnmen up, they might possibly be long lost brothers.

Brandy Wilcoxen said...

Oh Monk, I love that show. Though yours does seem somewhat entertaining as well.

Allie said...

This is too funny!

When you have enough time and energy to trim your lawn with scissors, you a) have messed up priorities, b) fail to understand that you have a limited amount of time in this world or c) have a nasty cocaine addiction that you feed with your millions of endless dollars of inherited wealth.