August 2, 2009

Things Must Change

I'm losing followers. I try desperately to try to find out who it was that abandoned me so I could ask them, Why? Was it the the Michael Jackson post? Cuz if that's it, you shouldn't be a reader of this blog.

I try to not to care about you. And by "you" I mean those who have been longtime readers who know this isn't a blog about my blissfully happy, prefect life and perfect kids. You knew that sunshine did not radiate from my ass. The point is you knew this and you read anyway and you laughed, too. So were you really that shocked to read me go after MJ? Really, cuz have you been paying attention at all?

I got pissed about the losing followers first and then I got pissed that I even want to look at my stats. I do, of course, and BAM! reason to be really pissed.

I hate this part of blogging and I've never even dove into the deep end in terms of networking. MomDot doesn't know I exist, I've had very few interactions with companies about ads and reviews and giveaways and sponsorship. I don't go to Blog-Her and I was envious about it this year until the blog posts about it started popping up. I'm pretty sure I'm out for 2010, too. I've never been invited to the other blogger conferences throughout the year. That's ok.

Right now I feel inspired by another blogger who I adore,
Sarah, who got fed up and stopped blogging. She's easing back in now but she came out swinging with her first few posts about how she's not playing the game anymore. She's writing what she wants to write, whenever she wants to write it. She's banning StatCounter because that's not why she writes. No pressure blogging. I'm on it.

Except I can't ban StatCounter cuz it provides me with some great blog fodder but no more new networking groups unless I feel like I LOVE the group. I don't give a damn about my Google Page Rank -
nor do I even know how to find out what it is. These google followers, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have that at all. That number just screams at me You are a fucking loser, your writing sucks, and as proof - someone dropped you because of it. I get enough of that shit from my own head, I don't need this supplemental ego dropkicking, thankyouverymuch.

Some people say
It's just a blog. Who cares what people you don't even know say? I say Oh shut the fuck up! It's not just a blog. It's where I rant. I swear on my laptop there are people alive today that may not have been if not for this outlet. And I'm not just talking about my children. It's true that I don't know most of my readers. But a lot of people from my real life read the blog. There are a few people I'm praying and wishing and hoping never read it but if they do it will not be the end of me.

But most importantly, I have made some fantastic friends through the blog. Yes, they are my friends. Some I have met in real life, some I haven't and some I will very soon. I can't freaking wait,
Krista and Sarah! I blow up my phone texting them all day long every day. We hack eachother's FarmTown accounts to save our crops - it's completely ridiculious but we're friends and that's what we do. We chat for hours online on Facebook. I know the names of their children and husbands, I know when they are freaking out because they're not packed for a move across the country. They know all that about me and can usually sense when I'm about to climb a clock tower with a rifle. The whole point of that was to say my blog is not JUST a blog. My blog is my outlet, my blog is to entertain, my blog is to document the crazy shit these kids have put me through. Somehow along the way I met these gals who are my friends. And that's a hell of a plus.

I said all that to say from now on I'm writing for those gals who fight to the death for the Comment Whore Crown. I write for loyal readers, commenters - only the nice ones, the trolls can scurry back under their bridge and suck it. I write for the small group of people who read and love my blog. I try my very best to send a quick email after I get a comment but if there's no email I always go leave them a comment. I can do that because I have such a small following and that's ok with me. I was never meant to be a big shot anyway.
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