July 20, 2009

3 Things You Might Observe At A Monster Truck Show Besides Big Trucks

#1. People lose their damn minds when the freakin' T-shirt cannon comes out. 

Grown ass men rip $3 shirts from the hands of sweet little girls in pig tails and little old ladies start throwing elbows. Granted, these little old ladies have Virginia Slims hanging from their lips and are wearing wolves on their shirts but they are little old ladies none-the-less.

#2. 
 Dear Unknown Local Girl Posing As A Singer,

There is Kelly Clarkson signing the National Anthem. And there is Roseanne doing it. 


Can you please keep the unnecessary runs down to a minimum? We'd appreciate it.


Sincerely,

Simon Cowell Wannabe In The Stands


#3. People are inconsiderate pricks. Maybe you didn't notice but there are tons of kids at this little shin dig. I know you've heard that radio commercial with the kid hacking a lung up because he's exposed to second hand smoke. Why must you smoke right here right now? Yes, technically it's an outside venue but would it kill you to go to the parking lot? I smoked for years, I can honestly say you will not die if you do not smoke for 2 hours! Damn! These two literally never stopped smoking throughout the whole thing.
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