May 5, 2009

They Flagged The Poop, Yes They Did

It's official, our neighbors are pricks. My first conversation with the woman was pleasant enough but it was obvious we weren't gonna be BFFs. Then last week she marched over and just short of chewed my husband's ass because Lexi pooped in her yard. He apologized and cleaned it up but was left without the warm fuzzies for her. They don't wave, speak, or even bother to look our direction. And then yesterday evening the man flagged our dog's poop in their yard. Actual little orange flags. 2 of them.

Look, I'm not insensitive to the situation. I know it's annoying, I try to watch her but when it's a choice between keeping her out of your yard and keeping Asher out of the street - to hell with your yard, mkay? Also, it's dog poop. Pick it up, or better yet mow the shit over like we do, and move on with your life. And you have dogs so it's not like your pristine yard has never been exposed to dog poop. Either way, do not come over to my house and address me like I'm a 6 year old and say to me in your best 'is your daddy home, little girl?' tone "I wanted to talk to your husband...". That pissed me off enough for me to actually say I'm a grown woman, I'm fully capable of having a confrontation with a neighbor. You don't need to speak to my husband. And that was the only good jab I got in. The rest came to me as I was stewing afterwards. Isn't that the way it always goes?

When he said I don't want to be a bad neighbor I just shrugged but I should have said Oh you're not a bad neighbor, you're just an asshole.

When he said You need to leash it from now on what I said was It? I will put her on a leash but I should have said Someone should leash you or at the very least muzzle you.

When he said I'm gonna mow my front lawn first and give you a chance to pick it up what I said was Well, as soon as I get done taping this room off, I'll get right out there but I should have said Oh, maybe you could set a timer for me! And then if I don't get it done in time you can flag me!

And when he said I don't want to have to do this again I should have said is OH, FUCK YOU!
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