May 5, 2009

Neighbor Saga Continued

This afternoon, Jackass Neighbor (as I will refer to him from now on) mowed his backyard. We were all outside. We were measuring for a fence because if this isn't a case for 'good fences make good neighbors', I don't know what is. At some point a flag popped up in their yard.

Now let me say that Lexi was not outside alone at all today. I personally had a front row seat to and witnessed all of her poops. It was lovely. A great way to bond with your dog, I recommend it highly. 

Anyway, the pile he flagged was not a new one. We just looked at eachother when we saw it but Jackass Neighbor never came over, he just kept on mowing. Now I don't know if he thinks we've got a secret flag code that we all understand now but no damn way was I just gonna hop over there because he threw a flag. I've got a flag to throw on that, asshole, and it's called the bullshit flag. You took the time to flag the shit yesterday, if you missed some, tough shit - damn this post is full of puns! - you're gonna have to suck that one up!

So Jackass Neighbor finishes mowing and oh yes, that mother fucker mowed all but that square around the flag! I am in awe. Apparently I am in the presence of pure pettiness. Is it me or is doing that just costing him more time and effort because he put the mower up and now he's gonna have to get it back out later when the shit is picked up. And you can bet your sweet ass that I will not be the one picking it up. I'm anxiously waiting his next visit.

24 comments:

~aj~ said...

I swear this is better than ANY soap opera!

I about spit out my drink when I saw he mowed around it. Seriously, I'm tempted to drive to Nebraska just to witness the next showdown. Does he not know who he is messin' with???

On the plus side, it seems like you're going to have a never-ending supply of blog fodder for as long as you live there. :)

~Ronda~ said...

OMG!! I cannot believe the nerve of said jackass!! Just friggin mow over it already and be done with the shit! Literally!! He must be brought down a few notches, my dear!!

~Ronda~ said...

I'm in utter awe, that I had to leave another comment! Who does that anyways? Checks their yard for shit? I so do not get it, that's it, all us GNO girls are gonna load up and take our happy asses to the Frizen Tundra and enlighten said jackass!!

Diane said...

hahaha i cant wait to see THAT patch of grass by the end of summer!

what a fucking idiot...

Funny in my mind said...

First of all i commend you on your use of my favorite word, Jackass. Never has it been used better. It is his grass that is long and crappy. Do they have a flag of a hand with a finger flipped up? Just ignore it. If he comes over, cough all over him and tell him you have the asshole neighbor flu. If I were you, I would send the kids to go poo in his yard, see if humans get different flags.

~aj~ said...

Ronda, I had to leave another comment too!

I had to show Matt these posts and as he was reading them, my shock had worn off and I just laughed like I haven't laughed in days. It did me some good, I think.

Idiosynkrasia said...

Holy Shit! (oh...pardon me)

K, this guy's not only an asshole - but he's down right certifiable. I can't even imagine being his neighbor...let alone his wife. I mean, didn't you say there was a Mrs. Asshole Neighbor? She sleeps with him! She (ahem)'s with him! Oh my!

I say leave the poop in the patch and watch it grow. What's he gonna do? Call the law?

MoonNStarMommy said...

can I just put a lawn chair in your yard? This is better then a soap opera (which I don't even watch) ... that's gonna be one long spot of grass when all is said and done. That is hilarious... and I totally agree with you - I'd be getting a fence up ASAP. Maybe post a sign "if you have flags or are a jackass, you need not bother, I suddenly lose my hearing when you are around - oddest thing!"... eh that might be a long sign. Just print the baby up and frame it!

Farmers Wife said...

I am so glad that the first post I ever read of yours is to do with dog poo. Thats fantastic, now I am a fan!!!!!

Miss Blondie said...

LMAO!! I can't believe he mowed around the poop!!

I agree with AJ this is better than ANY soap opera!! We shall call it "As the Neighbor Mows" HAHA!!

Farmers Wife said...

BTW thanks for following my blog!!!

Deb a.k.a.The Invisible Blogger.... said...

Okay the flag thing,really? Oh my,as for not wanting a dog to poop on my yard, yeah I understand that. I might have had to mention it if it was more than once, but then I would probably let it go, or out up a fence of my own. Yet yuo mention that they have dogs, are they so certain their dogs aren't the culprits? I mean how do they know? I have three small dogs all trained to go in one area, but that doesn't stop them if they smell "new dog" in the area from leaving their own mark.
We have a neighbor whose cat used to come over and poop in my flowerbed, drove me nutty. I never made a big deal over it because I lived next door, and did not plan on moving anytime soon. I just put citrus peel and mothballs, even cayenne spray to keep it out.
Other than the poop thing have they even come over to introduce themselves? The whole asking for your husband thing would have sent me over the edge though. I have to admit that. Yeah fences do make for good neighbors, but I would not be surprised if they gave you grief over that too.

April said...

This is the craziest thing I have ever heard of a neighbor doing (that's legal). I would have just stood there laughing really loud at him. And there is no way in hell I would ever go pick it up.

Jen said...

what a man!

Stacie's Madness said...

I mean for real this shit is hilarious.

I'd raise my big F-You flag to him.

Sarah said...

Here's what I think you need to do. Teach her to pee in the same place every time. You can't pick that up and for sure he will have a dead patch of grass in his yard within a week! Then you move her to a different spot until you can polka dot his entire yard!

Krissi said...

I say screw Lexi, turn the boys loose in his yard and then see if he still bitches about some dog shit!! LMAO

BeeHappy said...

These posts are hilarious! I think you should have be laughing your ass off!! :)

Ordie O. said...

Now, do you see why your Dad and I moved you to Arkansas from Nebraska when you were 6 months old? I tried to tell you. Midwesterners have to have rules or they'll go crazy (and put up orange flags on piles of dog poop). They thrive on structure and can't tolerate people who freely express their emotions, much less those who exhibit autonomy. That's why I'm like I am (defiant, unstructured, undisciplined, disorganized, no work ethic, etc). Now do you get it?

Ordie O. said...

Oh and you gotta post a picture of these people (even though I bet I already know exactly what they look like without ever having seen them). Wait till I show up in June with my bombed out, tornado refugee SUV with the "God Bless the Freaks" and "Treehugger" bumper stickers. Oh I can't wait! I'm going to start working on this right now! I may have to buy a new wardrobe. And then you have to have your Dad come next. God, this is gonna be fun! And you're sponsoring the next family reunion! YeeHaw!

TX Poppet said...

Petty little people. Rise above, Darlin' just rise above.

Anonymous said...

subtle huh?

Yall need to start putting out a gazillion garden gnomes, pink flamingos, an old toilet, archery targets, about 8 or 9 kiddy pools, a tractor tire so you can plant some purdy flowers in it, etc & really give them something to fret over!

Jessica said...

I am in awe. FLAGS?! Whats wrong with these people??!!

The Red Headed Mama said...

I don't know how I missed these stories but I am dying over here!!!! There is a jackass in every neighborhood, apparently you get the join of being next door to him!!!