April 17, 2009

Reason #6429 I Am Done Having Children

I've been waiting to post about this until the rage subsided but damned if it doesn't boil up every single time I think about it. So what the hell.

Asher didn't seem to be feeling well this weekend so eventually at 11pm on Sunday night we took him to the ER. We means me and Aidan. A very tired and hyped up on Easter candy, Aidan. You see where this is going, don't you? But first, can I just say thank you Baby Jesus for the GPS? Cuz who the hell thinks it's funny to hide the damn hospital? Anyway, Asher needed to have a chest x-ray. Have you ever had to get an x-ray on a toddler? Have you seen this contraption called a pigostat? 

It looks awful but it is the only way to get the x-ray and get it quickly. Asher really wasn't bothered by it. He was just too dang tired and sick to give a damn. Aidan, on the other hand, pulled out the big guns in terms of biggest public freak out EVER. 

I'm not just talking in his history, I mean in all of history. That little (do you know how bad I want to say 'fucker' here?) jackass lost every bit of his damn mind. He screamed as loud as I've ever heard him scream, clawing and flailing around like he was on fire. Yelling do not touch brother, get away from my brother, I can only touch my brother, you better let my brother go right now... 

And I honestly couldn't get a handle on him. I finally had to drag him by his foot behind the corner so they could take the x-ray and sat on him. I seriously sat on him with all my weight - and I'm not a measly 105 (I know, you're shocked, right?). Even with me sitting on him he was bouncing me around like I was on that fucking bull in the bar from Urban Cowboy. 

The nurses around us just looked on in horror and I screamed *in my head* Hey, bitch! I'm losing this battle so maybe instead of backing away slowly you could grab a fucking sedative? I mean, damn, they take 'em down for far less than this in the movies. You've seen Girl, Interrupted, right? One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest? Come on!

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