April 17, 2009

Reason #6429 I Am Done Having Children

I've been waiting to post about this until the rage subsided but damned if it doesn't boil up every single time I think about it. So what the hell.

Asher didn't seem to be feeling well this weekend so eventually at 11pm on Sunday night we took him to the ER. We means me and Aidan. A very tired and hyped up on Easter candy, Aidan. You see where this is going, don't you? But first, can I just say thank you Baby Jesus for the GPS? Cuz who the hell thinks it's funny to hide the damn hospital? Anyway, Asher needed to have a chest x-ray. Have you ever had to get an x-ray on a toddler? Have you seen this contraption called a pigostat? 


It looks awful but it is the only way to get the x-ray and get it quickly. Asher really wasn't bothered by it. He was just too dang tired and sick to give a damn. Aidan, on the other hand, pulled out the big guns in terms of biggest public freak out EVER. 

I'm not just talking in his history, I mean in all of history. That little (do you know how bad I want to say 'fucker' here?) jackass lost every bit of his damn mind. He screamed as loud as I've ever heard him scream, clawing and flailing around like he was on fire. Yelling do not touch brother, get away from my brother, I can only touch my brother, you better let my brother go right now... 

And I honestly couldn't get a handle on him. I finally had to drag him by his foot behind the corner so they could take the x-ray and sat on him. I seriously sat on him with all my weight - and I'm not a measly 105 (I know, you're shocked, right?). Even with me sitting on him he was bouncing me around like I was on that fucking bull in the bar from Urban Cowboy. 

The nurses around us just looked on in horror and I screamed *in my head* Hey, bitch! I'm losing this battle so maybe instead of backing away slowly you could grab a fucking sedative? I mean, damn, they take 'em down for far less than this in the movies. You've seen Girl, Interrupted, right? One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest? Come on!

15 comments:

thoughts and ramblings said...

HOLY CRAP...WHAT AN ORDEAL!!! I hope he feels better soon and I hope YOU get a break!!!

I have never seen a contraption like that. My oldest daughter has had more than one chest x-ray and they just lay her on the table and take the pic.....or they sit her on the chair thingie and take a pic. I dunno...maybe that hospital has some high tech gadgety type things. LOL

Good luck!!!!

Jen said...

I know in my head that this wasn't really meant to be funny and that you weren't amused at the time but "The little jackass lost every bit of his damn mind" made me spit my drink out. Oh how I can't wait for my kid to do that to me. Hope Asher gets to feeling better soon.

Diane said...

sounds like a horrible night! it never makes me feel better when people say this but, i think we've all been there.

those times when you want so badly to slip a xanax in their go-gurt.... *sigh*

i hope asher's feeling better soon! for the sake of the whole family!

Krissi said...

Ok I know you told us about this at lunch that day, but OMG! I think I would have killed Aidan for that one (as I'm sure you wanted to do)! I can't believe the nurses just backed away instead of trying to help or at least slipping him a pill! For crying out loud!

Funny in my mind said...

And be careful because it could turn into pneumonia. Does Aidan have ADD or ADHD? Was he just tired? I have an 18 year old that loses his shit like a wacko too and I have no clue what to do. I would find a good pediatrician and see if he can help with answers. Also, he is in a new place so the stress....We have a friend whos kid has Asbergers (sp?)
Syndrome (look on WebMD) and cannot tolerate any social stuff, noise etc..
Just ideas, who am I?

Kirby said...

I had to take my daughter to get that same damn kind of a x-ray done when she was 2 and since then she is scared to death of big machines, I can't even get her to take a damn picture in a studio anymore because she thinks she is about to be locked up in that thing again! So I'm glad yours handled it well and won't be horrified the rest of his life. Hope he gets to feeling better soon!

Anonymous said...

I totally feel for you, I've been in that situation plenty of times with my monster of a 6 year old. Regardless how much I love the little bugger there are days he's still lucky he's alive. (figuratively speaking of course ;) )

Idiosynkrasia said...

Awwhh poor little Asher. It's pretty sweet that Aiden is so protective of his little brother. Maybe one day he'll learn how to be protective without raising total hell. Hopefully. ;)

Loukia said...

My son has had this xray done a number of times... the first time, he was 6 months old. It was just the most brutal thing I've ever seen. Traumatizing, really, for a mom to see that. :(

Michelle said...

Sorry that sounds miserable!

Brenda Susan said...

Yikes, that contraption looks awful! Aiden probably thought they were seriously torturing his brother for the martian spy secrets or something.

~Ronda~ said...

Ok, first of all, you will not convince me that, that is Asher, either he has grown a foot and recently came off the newest production of New Moon because he's pale as a vampire or the poor kid is suffering from a serious case of anemia, neither of which I'm real convinced of!! Hope the lil booger gets to feeling better nonetheless!!

AmyPep said...

I de-lurked to let you know that:
You now have a huge fan in Norman, Oklahoma and that you are totally hilarious! My daughter just had to have one of those x-rays and going into the room I tried to warn my husband what they were about to do to his precious little baby girl and he did not believe me. Needless to say, when they stuck her in that hole and closed the plastic doors around her, the WTF? look left his face, all the blood drained out and he freaked the "F" out! He is a "grown" 36 year old man-child and I thought they were going to have to bring in the defibrillator!! My 2 year old just raised her eyebrows and looked at me like, "will Daddy be going him with us, or will we be leaving him here in the little padded room in the basement?" The nurse handed him a little paper bag (for breathing, not puking) and told him to wait in the hallway, then patted me on the back in sympathy. Like I need that shit at 2 AM - he is NEVER going back to the ER with me - EVER. She has asthma, and once before this, when she was about 1 year old, they had to take blood once pre-admit while she was dehydrated and I was parking the car. They asked him to hold her down while they poked her 4 gillion times looking for a good vein, everytime he is asked about the worst moment of his life, this is the story he tells. I am grateful he loves his children and he is a great dad, but hell - I have 3 kids, I do not need another one disguised as my husband! I love my kids too, but while they are in need of x-rays or tourniquets, someone has to put on the big-girl pants and be an adult!

*THE Disneyland Mom* said...

I have often wanted to call my kids little f-ers. It happens. Ugh. I love it when I'm out with the kids and they have me sweating like a fat man jumping rope when everyone around me is calmly going about their business, looking at me like I'm some sort of asshole. Motherhood rocks! Your blog is my favorite.

AshMo said...

I'm sorry to LOL at this.. but I did. I can imagin "your" voice (not really you.. but yea you know what I'm saying?) saying this outloud.. I'm glad there are others who have the crazyness I do..