March 18, 2009

A Repost Because I'm Lazy

Since I'm up to my ass in bubble wrap and cardboard boxes I'll be implementing a "just repost stuff that I think is funny from way back before nobody but my mother read this blog". I'll get back on the bloggy ball soon. Don't be a schmuck and unfollow me cuz I'll know and when I'm in Nebraska all alone I'll have nothing else to do but be a petty little bitch about it.

I can't believe I'm about to tell everyone about this... I'm kind of an idiot. My first clue was last week while getting gas. I've successfully pumped my own gas for quite some time now, never really had to think much about it, I like to spend the time cursing oil companies. So I swipe my card, get approved, pick up the nozzle, and try to choose my grade of gas. Problem starts here. I want Regular but only the Diesel is flashing. I hit the Regular button, oh about a thousand times, before I slam the nozzle back in and cancel the transaction. "Stupid damn pump, what the hell?!?!" I jump in the truck, speed to the next pump, swipe my card, get approved, pick up the nozzle, and here we go again. Now the few people I've told this to seem to have figured out what's happening. If you have it figured out, I don't want to hear it! Just picture me holding the nozzle, wildly slapping the Regular button, glaring at the flashing Diesel light, and muttering the most vile 4-letter word combos imaginable. I was beyond irritated. So I decide to push the Attendant Help button and ask what the sam-hell is going on.

Attendant - "Can I help you?"

Me - "Uh, yeah, I need Regular gas but the Diesel is flashing and it won't let me choose anything else! What's wrong with it?"

Attendant - after a short pause, "Ma'am, you're holding the green Diesel nozzle, you have to use the black nozzle to get anything but Diesel."

Me - "Oh, okay."

Alright, enough laughing. If you wanna hear incident #2, seriously, quit laughing, this one's good! Yesterday I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book in stock. They said they did so I went to pick it up this morning. I'm looking where I think it should be - Asher's wiggling around and squealing like a piglet in my arms and Aidan's running around screaming like a lunatic. I'm pretending not to know him and act like I'm looking around for his irresponsible mother. It's just a fun game I like to play sometimes. Anywhooo, finally someone asks if they can help and he goes to look up the book. Then he tells me they don't have it in stock. "Really, I called yesterday and they told me they had it here! Did somebody buy the last one?" He says maybe they looked and saw that we can get it but it's not been in stock here for quite some time. Fine, whatever, idiots, so I've driven all the way out here with these two mini-psychos and you don't have the book now? Great! It's only after I've gathered the spawn and stomped back to the truck that I realize I'm at Borders, not Barnes & Noble. Alright, enough laughing. Really, quit laughing at me!


Jen said...

I will not laugh at you because I've done things very similar...I will simply smile because I'm glad I'm not the only one.

MJW said...

Thanks for the early morning laugh! I'm glad we all make mistakes. I've been there - realizing I was at the wrong store. I feel so stupid but oh well. :) Happy Hump Day!

Funny in My Mind said...

I know it sucks to pack and move. We are all your friends and neighbors no matter where you go. You do the same silly/stupid stuff I do. I can't tell you how many times I have almost driven off with the nozzle in the car or forgotten to put the cap on.

Peggy said...

What's so idiotic about that? Sounds like a normal day around here!

Good luck with your move! Nebraska huh? Only two things come from Nebraska...

:p <--- I don't know why I'm so inclined to always use these dorky little faces...Note to self: stop using dorky little faces.

Oh, I might have to come back to your comments section to read my notes, apparently your blog is now my personal calendar! :) <---Dammit!