November 5, 2008

The Ambien Diaries

I've seen blogs where people write only when on Ambien. They're both hysterical and disturbing at the same time. I started taking Ambien to sleep after Anna died in 2006. It was easy. I immediatly felt utterly calm and drifted off to sleep without a hole in my soul. Most of the time. A quickly found that I sometimes wake up in the night and complete tasks of which I have no memory. Cleaning the bathrooms, doing all of the dishes in the house by hand, and other wierd stuff. My favorite, and most disturbing, Ambien induced incident was when I woke up one morning to an email from a pharmacy in Canada confirming my order for 300 Ambien tablets. Oh yes, I got online, found some shady company that would send me 300 Ambien tablets without a prescription from a doctor or even a telephone call to the client. They got pretty pissed when I denied the order and cancelled. Yes, I suppose I made the order but I was essentially sleepwalking. In the light of day I could just get samples from my doctor if I needed them. Did I almost break some kind of Federal law or something? That kinda scared the shit out of me.

In case you can't tell, I just took my Ambien but didn't go right to sleep. In my Ambien haze I thought I'd blog. Bet your ass I jerk this son of a bitch off here when I wake up. Ambien is like an emotional stomach pump for me. I'll tell all kinds of shit I'd never tell "sober". It's mortifying. I've learned to keep my ass away from my cell phone and email after I take it. That rule should totally apply to blogging too but apparently... So enjoy the view into my insanity while it's out there. Cuz I'll deny it like hell later.

Nite nite!
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