November 6, 2008

Suck Me a Hickey

Do you remember hickeys? I totally forgot about hickeys until today! I sat in a waiting room across from a barely 20 year old girl with a neck full of disgusting suck sores. It was essentially a horny teenager belt of blaring purple blemishes. Gross! Why would you not cover that up? It took me all of about 4 seconds to google ways to cover them up. So since it's obvious you lack the hormone control to not let someone suck a fucking bruise onto your neck, here's what I found on eHow.

1Put ice on it right away. The hickey will diminish in appearance if you use ice on it soon after your make out session.


2Use green concealer. This type of makeup can be bought at any drugstore and will
completely hide the hickey or at least make it less noticeable. Neutrogena manufactures a green cream concealer that can work wonders.


3Apply a thick layer of foundation
. Blend the foundation into your entire neck area and top with some powder. Use a shade that is slightly darker than your complexion. Use a lower cost brand like Maybelline or Cover Girl since you may need to use a lot.


4Keep your hair down. If you have long hair
you can hide the hickey by keeping your hair parted to the side that the hickey is on.


5Wear a scarf or turtleneck. If you happen to get the hickey in colder months, you are in luck since you will be able to use clothing to cover it up.



Trust me, Hickey Girl, getting a hickey doesn't show the world that some Prince Charming loves you, it says "some boy with a boner took me for a slut and all I got was this lousy hickey".

11 comments:

Krissi said...

I hated hickeys even in HS so one time I let Danny suck a hickey that was the perfect #75 (his football # how romantic) on my stomach! LMAO! Oh Damn I forgot all about that until today!! How gross and in love we were!!!

Idiosynkrasia said...

nothing says trailer trash quite like a hickey. gross.

Sarah said...

But she's in LUUUUUUUVVVV! Why not share her love with the world? I think I might be running upstairs to Beloved right now! Eeeeeewwwwww!

Jen said...

LAMO!!!!!

Karol said...

That's freaking awesome! Probably thinks she's all grown up cuz she's got a hickey. *eye roll*

Miss Blondie said...

I'm sure she thinks she's the envy of all her little friends b/c some guy "likes" her enough to suck her neck off! I never let guys do that to me...Gross!

Robin said...

OMG... "some boy with a boner took me for a slut"... my favorite line of the week!
Gawd, I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for all the money in the world. Pause. Well maybe ALL of it but not a penny less.
Great post!
:) Robin

~Ronda~ said...

OMG!! I so have a hickey right now, isn't that the thing to do! Kidding!! LMAO There is nothing trashier or sluttier than gross suckings of a lust ridden boy with a chubbin in his pants!! And back to Krissi's comments, wow, I remember back in hs when her tummy was a solid hickey!!

BPOTW said...

Dude, I don't see the ice thing working at all. If they're all hot and bothered giving each other hickeys then they're not going to be thinking about ice when it's all over ;) I've heard that pressing a lipstick tube into it will help go away...but that was in one of those teen magazines (back in the day) and they probably never told the truth.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I was a big fan of them even when I was a teenager.
ick - I just think they're tacky.

amy hoag said...

I only had one hickey in high school and thought they were cool for like 5 minutes long enough for my friends to see it. I guess that is why it was my first and last hickey...