November 16, 2008

Aidan Met Anna

He learned about Anna today. Asher won't stop breaking and entering into our bedroom and getting into my bedside table. Anna's urn is in that top drawer.  We hadn't had a conversation about her with Aidan. He was so young when it happened, we really didn't think trying to explain it would serve any purpose. The only thing he ever sees of her are her footprints in a small picture frame in the living room. When he saw the urn he picked it up. I snatched for it quickly and he asked what it was. I started simply by saying It's an urn. Of course he has no idea what an urn is. I told him it's where some people choose to be after they die. He jumps to several 4 year old conclusions and  on came the awkward talk on the subject. I let him see the box of her stuff from the hospital - the cap and gown she wore, her tiny gold ring, blankets she was swaddled in, a small stuffed puppy amongst several other things. Aidan grabbed up that puppy right away and named him Anna. He's asked to look at her boxes several times since.

I wondered when this day would come and I'm glad it has. I hate it when people forget about her and to have her own brother not know about her, that stings. I hope Aidan keeps talking about her. I hope he's not scared now. I hope he mentions her every day and asks questions and makes us talk about her because we don't. We simply avoid the subject at home. No late night quiet conversations about what could have been had she lived, we don't do anything to celebrate the day she was born, which is also the day she died. The only thing we do is get a Christmas ornament special for her. And that's sad.

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