November 16, 2008

Aidan Met Anna

He learned about Anna today. Asher won't stop breaking and entering into our bedroom and getting into my bedside table. Anna's urn is in that top drawer.  We hadn't had a conversation about her with Aidan. He was so young when it happened, we really didn't think trying to explain it would serve any purpose. The only thing he ever sees of her are her footprints in a small picture frame in the living room. When he saw the urn he picked it up. I snatched for it quickly and he asked what it was. I started simply by saying It's an urn. Of course he has no idea what an urn is. I told him it's where some people choose to be after they die. He jumps to several 4 year old conclusions and  on came the awkward talk on the subject. I let him see the box of her stuff from the hospital - the cap and gown she wore, her tiny gold ring, blankets she was swaddled in, a small stuffed puppy amongst several other things. Aidan grabbed up that puppy right away and named him Anna. He's asked to look at her boxes several times since.

I wondered when this day would come and I'm glad it has. I hate it when people forget about her and to have her own brother not know about her, that stings. I hope Aidan keeps talking about her. I hope he's not scared now. I hope he mentions her every day and asks questions and makes us talk about her because we don't. We simply avoid the subject at home. No late night quiet conversations about what could have been had she lived, we don't do anything to celebrate the day she was born, which is also the day she died. The only thing we do is get a Christmas ornament special for her. And that's sad.







16 comments:

Krissi said...

Wow let me just say that you are an amazing mother Amanda. I hope Aidan makes her an everyday part of your family and I hope that one day Asher will too.

April said...

When I read this my hubby was sitting next to me (he never is when I read blogs) and I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said "we are so lucky we haven't lost a child". God bless you and everyone else that has.

~aj~ said...

That Aidan may be a holy terror at times, but he has one of the most sensitive hearts of any child I know.

And while I can't imagine having that conversation with him, I'm glad that you did. Anna was your special baby girl and I'm glad her brother(s) will get a chance to know of her.

Hugs, my dear.

Nina said...

You just melted my heart. Isn't it great how the honesty of someone so young can bring things out like that by the innocent questions they ask. My heart goes out to you...

~Ronda~ said...

First of all, ~HUGS~ to you my dear. I can't even imagine how hard it was to explain that to him and perhaps he will understand it more and more everyday. As for all of us in your life, we haven't forgotten, it's just that we're not sure how to approach the subject, because we haven't been there. Words just cannot describe.... more ~HUGS~

laurie said...

I'm sorry you had to do that without Matt there!

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry said...

Explaining death to a child is so hard. Explaining death to a child when it's your own child's death? Unbearable.
It sounds like you did an amazing job. Both Aidan and Anna are so lucky to have you as their mother.

My love goes out to you.

Mom said...

Every day I love you more.

Sarah said...

Of all the people to bring healing a step closer, how incredible that it could be Aidan. You are an amazing woman, an incredible mom and a tremendous survivor. Love, peace and hope.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Oh. :*)

Jen said...

For you, I surely hope so.

lifeinbeverlyhills said...

What an amazing story. I hope this brings your family together in healing.

(((hugs))) to you. Thank you for sharing this touching story.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

What a difficult conversation to navigate... But you handled it so well! Your little boy is very lucky to have someone like you for a mom.

BPOTW said...

I think it would be a good idea to celebrate her, as a whole family. And you're right, maybe this can be the catalyst that gets it going. What a sweet son you have!

Cassoulet Cafe said...

I just read this post, and the original post about Anna.
What a wonderful mom you are, and what a tragic thing to have to deal with. I cannot understand it fully, only imagine, and it's heartwrenching.
Know that every tear you shed is precious in God's eyes, for he did not create us to have heartache like this, nor does he cause it. You were right to tell your son that God didn't take her.
I wish I had the perfect words, but I don't think there ever are any...
Hugs...
CC

Amy said...

Kids have this amazing way of making even the most painful subjects a little less painful. We lost our son at 33 weeks in February of 2007. Our daughter was 2 1/2 at the time, so of course she didn't understand, but as she's gotten older, we've talked about Connor frequently.
I hope this recent development helps those baby steps become more sure footed for you and your family.