October 30, 2008

Boiling Point Continued

Okay, Aidan got sent home from preschool today. There is never a good excuse for his behavior but today he really had no damn reason to be a huge jackass. There was no "trigger" today. The class had their Halloween party today so the kids could wear their costumes if they wanted to. First he did want to, then he didn't, then he did... It was the usual Aidan bullshit. But I just went along with every change. He wasn't forced to wear anything. Looking back I think he was just trying to start a fight. He must have been terrified of having a good drop-off time twice in one week. I'm telling you, the kid has it out for me.

Anyway, he wouldn't let go of my leg so I finally had to pry him off and run away. It's embarrassing to run from a 4 year old, okay? So I stand outside the door waiting for the tantrum to subside. Mmmm, it didn't. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking the door, dumping big boxes of toys, trying to knock shelves over, and swinging at his teacher and the director. Actually backing them up all over the room.

At this point I am seething in the hallway just watching. Fighting the urge to go in there and beat the shit out of him. Other parents -the ones who just kissed their calm, nonpsychotic children goodbye - gave me pity looks and offered words of wisdom. None of those words were Beat the shit out of that brat! but I imagine the thought crossed some of their minds.

When he started taking stuff from his backpack to throw at people, I got the "look" from the teacher. You know the "look"? It's the facial expression that says I want to beat the shit out of your kid but you're right there watching so you better just take him away. So I took his naughty ass home. Actually I took him and dropped him off with my friend Lisa because 1. I had an appointment that I couldn't miss and 2. I should not have been alone with him when I was that angry.

I cannot explain to you the rage that surges through me when he acts like that. I understand kids have bad days but I know very few people with children who have incidents like Aidan had today even once a month. Almost every week Aidan loses every bit of his damn mind and shows his ass like that. It's maddening! I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him? Or me? Is he destined for prison? I know I joke about that possibility regularly but humor is how I deal with fear. I'm scared my kid is going to end up in prison. I can't control him as a 4 year old so I don't have much hope for the future.

Fuck!
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