Guess what I did this morning. I got off my ever-widening ass, reactivated my gym membership, and worked out. Apparently sitting around bitching about gaining weight while devouring Oreos doesn't help one's ass to stop widening. Go figure.
It's been way too long since I've worked out because I was wheezing like...well, like a fat ass who hasn't worked out in way too long. Can I just say whoever invented the Stair Master is a fucking sadist? Cuz really, shouldn't that have been thrown out with all the other medieval torture devices? I better have a fucking fantastic ass in a very short period of time.
I guess this means I should stop eating like a fucking asshole, too. Backstory on the eating like a fucking asshole... I read a side-splitting blog post about gaining weight. The writer referred to the way she's been eating as eating like a fucking asshole. So, Heather, if you're reading this, thanks for that. Now I can't eat anything without asking myself if I'm eating like a fucking asshole.