July 31, 2008

Say What?

Okay, I give. Time for just one kid-related post. Aidan is hooked on string cheese like it's preschooler crack or something. It's crazy. But what's crazier - besides his mother? The way he says it. You ready for it?

Strange Cheese

Missing My Sweet Tea

Wanna know what blows? Drinking water in lieu of my beloved sweet tea. That's what blows.

I ran out two days ago and I was kinda ragin' over it but was holding out. In the meantime I drank water, usually with lemon or something to mask the untaste of water. That sucky untasteyness (see, it's MY blog so I can just make shit up).

And unfortunately I was giving thought to the decrease in the size of my ass that could result from cutting the obscene amount of calories the sweet tea has. I mean, I'm gaining weight like it's my fucking job lately.

I blame the sweet tea. So today instead of 2 gallons of sweet tea I bought 1 gallon of sweet tea and a 6 pack of Smart Water.

Shut up, it's progress. Rome wasn't built in a day! And yes I know buying plastic bottles of water will fill up the landfills and ruin Earth - I plan on refilling and I recycle so get off my ass, okay?

Alright, back to choosing Smart Water over Fiji or Sam's Choice. Am I really about to admit this? I chose it because I saw Jennifer Aniston drinking it. Well, I didn't see her drinking it, I saw a picture of her drinking it. And I'm on Team Aniston, not Team Slutbag Jolie. What do you think, will I look like her in a couple months?

I realize that the last post as well as this one are quite pro-one product or another. I have not been paid by Smart Water or Apple to advertise or talk up these products. If I had been I'd totally take the money like a good little product placement whore.

July 29, 2008

No Way!

And here I thought we were done with shots for Aidan until he's 12. The dr's office called to say they 'forgot' one of his shots that he's already started the series for. Just remind us when you bring him in for an elective shot, flu shot or something. Are you friggin' kidding me? Were you and I in the same room - or same building for that matter? And, oh yeah, I always take him in for elective shots, I mean what the hell is an elective shot? Well, there's another guaranteed blog.

July 28, 2008

Aidan's Prospective Future

Aidan is be-bopping around the room obnoxiously yelling, "I'm gonna (what sounded like shank) you!". What did you say? He repeats it, irritated because who the heck am I to question him, right? Turns out he was saying shrink. I say, whew, I thought he said shank, I wondered where he learned shank. Then of course he starts repeatedly, obnoxiously screaming shank, shank, shank... I asked him if he knew what that was, he says yes, I say what, he says I don't know - this is a reoccurring conversation in our house. Daddy pipes in with, "Oh, he'll find out soon enough!". I'm telling you, the kid better start using his wits for good instead of evil, or it's off to the pokey for him.

Choose Your Career Wisely

So this isn't about the kids. Except that it happened while I was trying to make money to buy the 20lbs of corndogs Aidan eats each week. I donate plasma for BioLife. It's not fun but it's not that bad either and it's free money for said corndogs or say, tattoo removal. Most of the techs are nice, professional, human... There's a new face at BioLife. I call him Michigan Nazi. And hard as I try to avoid him, I guess God is in the mood for some kicks and there I sit in Michigan Nazi's section. He does his job well but he's rude as Hell! Bossy. Arrogant. And he's got the beginnings of a God Complex. Can I just say that people who deal with the public, especially those who stick needles in other people's arms for a living should refrain from being condescending jackasses? Bad Juju to the Michigan Nazi.

Pick your profession with care

Can I just say people who deal with the public, especially those who stick needles in other people's arms for a living should refrain from being condescending jackasses?
Bad Juju to the Michigan Nazi.

July 27, 2008

Like Son, Like Father

Aidan has a bad habit of mouthing off. Ya, think?!?!

If he doesn't like what we're telling him, he shouts, "Stop talking to me!".

When he's told to stop doing something, he puts his pudgy hands on his hips and says, "I'm just gonna do it anyway.".

There are so many other examples but it makes me angry and since I shouldn't go wailing on him while he's asleep...

So, one evening last week I was talking to Mr, trying to sweet talk him into going to the store for one badly needed item - sweet tea!

What? It IS a necessity!

Anyway, I kept adding things to his list when he interrupts me to say, "Okay, just stop talking to me!".

Okay, Aidan, Sr!!

Welcome to the Other Side

I've said before that I am edited on the other blog meaning I try not to cuss or go off on my rants that ARE necessary. It's hard to assume that most of 'the other blog' readers wouldn't be able to take it, the foul language, the big time complaining, the UnAmanda of me that most of you know, but I know there are some that just shouldn't be here at this one. Those of you I already know can take it got an invite here. If it turns out you're a pansy, I'll let you out - but you must not speak about the insanity over here over there. It's like Fight Club - 1st Rule is NEVER TALK ABOUT IT. This blog is mine, it's mostly about me... and nothing and everything... It just needs to be accepted. Criticism won't be taken well here.

July 24, 2008

A Tattoo Is Forever - Or Is It?

So today was the first of 4 to 6 sessions of tattoo removal by the best-thing-since-sliced-bread laser. "Oh, it doesn't hurt at all, this is the best!". Uh, not exactly... sure the laser doesn't hurt, its the approximately 14 needles they stuck in my back to numb me up so the laser doesn't hurt. Let's just break this thing down, shall we? $100 to get a cheap, tacky, "tramp stamp" tattoo when I was 21 stupid years old. $800 minimum to have cheap, tacky, "tramp stamp" tattoo removed 8 years later. I should have stuck with piercings... You'll have to excuse me while I go take some Tylenol before my back starts to BLISTER and BLEED which should happen anytime now and last about a week!
*NOTE - my tattoo does not say Tramp Stamp, that's just the endearing term that has been applied to the tattoos that thousands of dumb girls have had inked on their lower backs. Nice, hu?

July 23, 2008

Aidan's Bad Day

Today I faced something I've been dreading for almost a full year now. At Aidan's 3 year check up last July he freaked out and hit, kicked, and screamed at the doctor. He was eventually able to be calmed just enough for a quick, probably not so thorough exam. It was awful! And then Doc uttered the words that have haunted me ever since which was that Aidan would need shots at his next check-up. Those of you who have been blessed with a front row seat for just one of his, shall we call them, episodes, you understand my anxiety. So today was the day. Like an idiot, I took him to the dentist with me this morning so he could see that it wasn't a big deal, in hopes that we might be able to take him for his first dental appointment without sedation. Yeah, that's probably not gonna happen. The big jerk flipped his wig when asked to step around the wall while I got an x-ray. Oh yes, they are definately referring him out to some other poor sucker dentist - hopefully one who will prescribe baby-xanex. It's the best thing for everyone involved, I assure you. Then it was on to the doctor's office. First freak out, stepping on the scale. This is what set him off last year. He would not get on the thing without Big Bear. We tried to weigh Big Bear alone so at least we could subtract that but, oh no! Finally we just guessed. So I guess Aidan weighs 58lbs. There were tears and threats and drama of all sorts throughout the exam and then go time. Besides me, there were 2 nurses helping to hold Aidan and 2 other nurses weilding needles. I mean to tell you it was quite the scene. He was wailing and thrashing around and the three of us were basically man-handled by a 4 year old. In the end Aidan got 3 shots - 2 in one arm and 1 in the other. He was really hurt by the whole thing, both physically and emotionally. I was watching him and after he'd quit crying, he'd would think about it again and the tears would fall. It was very sad and pathetic but nothing an ice cream sundae couldn't soothe. He'll live to torture me another day.
You'll have to forgive me for not finding out a way to take pictures for your viewing pleasure. Maybe next time he has shots... when he's TWELVE!!! Yes!!!!
He told me before he went to bed that he had a really tough day and he doesn't want to have any more tough days. Me too, kid, and me either!

July 22, 2008

What Aidan Knows

Today it became obvious that little ones in our house are very observant. I was making up some salmon cakes for dinner when Aidan comes waltzing into the kitchen. And it went like this...

Mama, what are you doing?

I'm making dinner.

Mama, you don't know what you're doing. Daddy cooks. Daddy knows what he's doing.

I can cook dinner sometimes, Aidan.

Okay, Mama, Daddy's gonna have to fix it when he gets home.

July 20, 2008

I didn't...

Aidan was out in the back yard driving his new Rhino. He was ticked off because he wanted to drive it out front - there we go again being mean! So after a short few minutes he comes slinking back in with a guilty look on his face. Knowing his vengeful side, we are both immediately suspicious. Here goes the conversation between him and Daddy.

What did you do?


Don't lie, why are you back in here looking like that?

I don't know, I just didn't do nothing!

You better tell the truth, what happened, what did you do out there?

(mumbled) Well, I didn't crash into the fence with my
truck outside...


I just didn't crash into the fence with my truck
outside! Now stop talking to me!

July 19, 2008

Flying High

Aidan got a Thomas the Train kite for his birthday and last night I told him we'd go fly it today. For 3 1/2 hours this morning he obsessed about going to fly his kite. It was either take him to the park or duct tape his mouth shut.

I voted for the duct tape but Daddy overruled me so we went to the park by Lake Fayetteville to fly it today.

Meaning Daddy flew the kite while Aidan sat on the picnic table in the shade and complained about being hot, being thirsty (despite finishing my tea, Daddy's Mt Dew, and Asher's juice!), wanting to play his guitar, begging to go home, and so on and so on.

He's such a weird kid - as if the last post didn't prove that fact.

July 16, 2008

Another Smart Mouth Story

Aidan got a new toy for his birthday from Kid Sister, Jayden, and Julyan called a Zoom. It shoots these little plastic discs flying into the air and then you're supposed to catch them. It's really a pretty cool toy actually. Not that I ever play with it. So anyway, yesterday Aidan sat up on the counter and shot several of them up on the top of the cabinets. After the first one we told him not to do it, that we weren't gonna get them down for him but as usual, he just continued. Then he says, "Fine then, when KidSisterJaydenJulyan (all one word these days) come here I'm gonna tell them to bring their Lewis (my cousin who lives with them also) because he's really, really tall and he can get them from way way up there for me!". Well, looks like you've got it all figured out then, smart guy...

Eatin' Like a Man

Talk about a kid growing up fast... Apparently during our vacation, Asher decided he simply will not eat baby food anymore. He thinks it's funny to open his mouth for it only to spit it back at me. I find it slightly less funny. 

The Puffs phase is also over. He could always be quieted or pacified with Puffs. No longer. 

Bananas for breakfast were a favorite for months. Now he throws them, bowl and all, on the floor - while he looks me dead in the eye. Punk! 

So, what does a 10 month old with only 2 teeth eat you ask? Brisket, potato soup, pizza, french fries, entire pickle spears... basically whatever the heck he wants to. 

Since he was about 4 months old he's been eyeballing our food, shooting us looks as if to say, "Gimme some of that steak, I can take it!". 

July 14, 2008

The Weeds

Today we played Kristin's Wii. Aidan loves the Wii but Aidan can't say "Wii". As she was setting it up he squealed, "Oh, I am so x-zyg-ed to play the weeds!". Aahhh, yes, I love the weeds too...

July 11, 2008

He's Not the Forgiving Type

Well, we are officially "mean Mommy and Daddy". Honest mistake considering Aidan's history, here's what happened...

Most mornings Aidan comes into our room to watch cartoons while Daddy gets ready for work and I sleep (God willing). He takes full advantage of my unconsciousness to do whatever he wants. 

Usually it's go scare the crap out of Asher and then come tell me he "just woked up". 

Sometimes it's raid the kitchen like a starved lunatic. 

Yesterday morning was a raid the kitchen day. I guess he grabbed 2 fudge rounds and took them in to show Daddy, who told him to only eat one. 

Naturally, he ate them both. 

Then, by count, Daddy realizes that somewhere along the way he must have downed a 3rd. Damned if he'd admit it though. Finally we badgered him enough so he admitted it, said he was sorry, and went about watching My Friends Tigger & Pooh. 

Later in the day I get in the box - just to count, not eat, right? - and see that Daddy miscounted and Aidan hadn't eaten the 3rd one after all. 

So after preschool, I explained to Aidan that Mommy and Daddy made a mistake and we were sorry, he was right and he told the truth and we didn't listen. 

Aidan says, "It's okay for yelling at me, Mama." 

I said, "Thanks, baby, you're a sweet boy." 

He says, "But I wanna buy a new Mommy and Daddy." 

Gee, thanks for the forgiveness, kid!

July 9, 2008

The Bath

During the drive from Grandma and Grandpa's house in Iowa to Nebraska, Asher basically screamed the whole way. To pacify him I fed him french fries and raisens like a madman. That night, back at the hotel the boys were filthy little rugrats. Their bath-water was almost instantly dirty but what happened next basically rendered that bath useless. Asher pooped in the bathtub. And I mean he pooped like he hadn't gone in a week. Turns out maybe I fed him a little to fast, there were whole french fries and raisens floating in the water. And no, Mother, the Raisin Recycling Program did not bridge the generational gap. When Aidan realized what Asher had done he flew out of there like he was on. fire! He was totally grossed out and scolded Asher like crazy. This from the boy who eats strawberries with ketchup and checks that his bottom is clean by sticking his finger back there.

(I only left him in there long enough to grab the camera so relax!)


Ask and ye shall receive - at least I do in this house. My tech-savvy husband has saved the day, and my mind, by finding all my vacation pictures. I was silly to even worry. You'll have to excuse me now, I have some schmoozing to do.

July 7, 2008

Somebody Stole My Pix!

Like I said, I've got some stories to tell about our long hiatus and I have 296 pictures to prove it all. Well, I had 296 pictures last night. This morning I've got a big fat ZERO. All of my vacation pictures are gone. Some of these stories simply must have a photo to get the real feeling across. I'm stumped. Someone broke into our house last night and stole all our vacation pix! Who would do such a thing? Gypsies, gang members, escaped mental patients... I don't know but the police better find the skell responsible and bring him to justice - and by justice I mean bring him/her to me... their punishment will be to watch my kids while I write blogs and complete them with my pictures. 296 PICTURES! Where the hell are they? Ugh!!!

July 2, 2008

Just the Beginning

Man, oh man, do I have some blogs to write! We have been away visiting family in Iowa and Nebraska since last Thursday - hence the lazy-bum blogger I've become. We will come home next Monday and do I have some tales to tell. I've come close to stringing up a noose for myself a couple of times and the boys have probably wondered if their mom is crazy (hint, I'd have to be - it's just me and the kids, not a fair fight) but we've survived thus far. Anyway this one thing just made me laugh so hard I almost peed a little. Kid Sister and I were in the living room while the boys played in their room. Yeah, so it had been a little while since we checked in on them, mind your own business! - I thought I heard a spraying sound over the blaring Ghost Hunters episode that we were engrossed in. Oops, now the truth comes out, we were vegging out on the TV, like you haven't done it! Eventually Kid Sister went in and caught the action. Aidan emptied a whole can of aerosol hairspray onto Jayden's back. She calls me in there for authority-support and to scold Aidan 'cuz like I said, it's not a fair fight. It kinda backfired on her. I start on my rant but I thought about how she's always joking about Jayden's hairy back. So instead I said, "Well, he just saw all that hair and thought that would be the best product to control it." I found myself quite hilarious, Kid Sister tried to act offended but I heard her giggle.